Catalyst
by universe.disturber
Summary: Freddie's favorite cousin, Alex, moves to Seattle, changing Freddie's life, as well as the life of a certain, unsure blonde. SEDDIE, of course. Will be OOC at times.
1. Sam

The dork in his natural habitat is about the most compelling thing I've ever seen. He's happiest sitting on a couch, fiddling with his phone, text messaging. Sometimes I hope he'll text me. But he only sends texts of strong dislike.

"Is it possible for you to take that thing out of your hands?" I snapped.

"Is it possible for you to stop nagging my every move?" he shot.

"Oh, c'mon, Benson! You're so cliché."

"I am not cliché!"

"See! There you go again! You're so predictable. What are you going to say next? Oh, I know. Am not!"

Freddie opened his mouth to shout, "Am not", but stopped as soon as he saw my famous victory grin. Oh yeah, Mama was good at all fighting.

His phone buzzed, and he ignored my eye roll. I watched him curiously as he read the text, grinning like a little kid with an ice cream cone, preferably Superman because it made him feel powerful. One time he mentioned that, but I don't know why I kept it in my memory.

"Alex!" he cried happily, pounding his free fist in the air.

"Who's Alex?" Carly asked, shutting the refrigerator door and taking out a can of Wahoo Punch.

See, though Carly is my best friend, for about a year I was kind of jealous of her. She's pretty and nice, and I'm just tough. Guys really liked her, and they steered clear of me. Freddie had the biggest crush on Carly for two or three years, but not long after we started ninth grade, he seemed not to be so interested anymore. That shed some light on my dump of a life. But not because I like him or anything. It's just annoying seeing him stalk her like that.

"Alex is my favorite cousin," Freddie explained. "But we haven't seen each other in four years, and we're so busy, we never text or IM or anything. But Alex is coming to Seattle, and moving to Bushwell Plaza."

"Oh, that's so cool!" Carly remarked. "Do you know what room?"

"This floor, but that's all I know right now."

"Sweet! So, do you think your cousin will like us?"

Before Freddie could answer, I cut in.

"This is Freddie's cousin we're talking about. They share blood. Therefore, Alex will be a dork just like Freddie, and you two will get along perfectly. I, on the other hand, will more than likely hate him."

"Sam, Alex is not a dork," Freddie protested. "And I should mention, Alex is…"

Just to be irritating, Freddie's mom barged into Carly's apartment, a tube of some ointment clutched in one of her hands. Mrs. Benson was the worst part about knowing Freddie. If she were subtler, he'd be a lot more tolerable. Well, he was (and I hated to admit it) getting there. But that's a different story that I don't know if I'll ever tell.

Anyway, Freddie's mom is honestly a lunatic. She makes him take tick baths, wear cloud block (yes ladies and gentlemen, cloud block), and picks out the dorkiest clothes. I've heard of overprotective, helicopter parents in journalist magazines, but Mrs. Benson is by far the worst. Can't imagine what she'd do to a grandkid.

"Freddie, sweetie," she called to him in this horrific, singsong voice. "You forgot your ointment again."

He shot me a painful, humiliated look and screeched, "Mom, _that_ stopped itching, too!"

"Just what seems to be giving you the problem, Freddo?" I tested.

Freddie's shoulders slumped ("Bad for your back!" Mrs. Benson shouted at this), and he bit his bottom lip, knowing exactly what I was saying. Unfortunately, so did Mrs. Benson.

"You just mind your own business, Sam," she sneered. "It doesn't concern you which of my son's body parts he's unable to use right now!"

Gosh. How did _she_ manage to keep up with these things? I've looked at Freddie's computer history- strictly nerd stuff.

"Mom, Alex just texted me," he said. "And it looks like we're going to have family in our building!"

Mrs. Benson grinned and gushed, "That's great! Alex must have grown up so much in the past few years."

She looked at Carly and me and added, "You'll just adore Alex, trust me."

"Yeah, you can never been a hundred percent sure of anything," I reminded her.

Anyone who was related to Freddork Benson was sure to make me wild. Take a look at his mother. And take a good, long look at him. Meeting his cousin would probably make me so crazy, I'd be sent to jail for committing murder.

"I've been trying to explain to Sam that Alex is…" Freddie started

"Not a dork, I know. Sam will just have to wait and see."

"That's not…"

"Believable for her, I know. But Alex is so wonderful, it doesn't really matter what Sam thinks."

Great. I could easily see Mrs. Benson keeping that attitude toward me for the rest of her life, and that wouldn't boil over well if…

"Just forget it!" Freddie shouted.

I watched attentively as Mrs. Benson's face turned from a silly grin to a disappointed frown. If there was anything that I loved more than making Fredward mad, it was when he made his mother mad.

"Freddie, we are leaving!" she cried and pulled him by the ear. "I knew those sarcastic girls were bound to rub off on you!"

She dragged him out of the apartment, and he dropped his phone on the ground. Watching him kick to get back in was hilarious. I guess Mrs. Benson has game when wrestling in addition to fencing.

"Mom, I have to stay! Sam still doesn't know!" Freddie screamed over and over.

I still didn't know. My dreams weren't coming true, but if they were, Freddie would be telling me something amazing. But since I knew that wasn't it (not now, at least), I barely cared about what he wanted me to know.

"Well, you'll just have to tell her another time!"

"Mom!"

And the Bensons' apartment door slammed shut.

****************************************

Carly eyed me slyly, giving me the impulse to snap, "What?"

"Freddie has a cousin named Alex," she said mysteriously.

"Yeah, so?"

"Maybe this results in a guy for one of us?"

"You, definitely. You get all the guys. But by all means, go for this one. No competition."

But she didn't know why.

"Sam, guys like you too," Carly contradicted in such a female manner. "I know of one."

"Neither Jonah nor Girly Cow count."

"I wasn't talking about either of them. And Girly Cow is male?"

"Who really cares?"

"The executives at _Girly Cow_!"

"I don't know them, so here I am, not caring. Who likes me?"

She had to be lying. Carls is a good friend, and sometimes being a good friend means lying for the sake of your friend. Guys didn't like me. It was something I inherited from my mom. But I might as well let Carly play this game for a while until I gained confidence in the fact that I was never going to get a guy. Especially not the one I wanted.

"It will come to you, I promise," she told me. "You'd have to be blind and deaf not to see it. Now, who's to say before you see eye to eye with your dream man, you can't look a little cute for this Alex?"

I grinned weakly, hoping that my wish as to who like me was true. Though, that would just be unbelievable, and I'd wake up quickly after.

"You're right," I sighed. "I can look good for someone, even if he is related to Freddie. But I don't have to become a daffodil again, right?"

Shuddering, I remembered when I said I wanted to be more like a girl. Carly dressed me up in pink, straightened my hair (which left it close to being damaged), and I couldn't fight or eat burgers or do anything I like to do. And for what? So I could go out with this guy named Pete. Sure, I liked him then, but once we had dinner on his uncle's boat, I realized he wasn't for me. I told him that I wasn't feeling anything, and he was insightful enough to figure out why. So, when I left him, I felt hopeful and hopeless at the same time.

Carly chuckled at my question and shook her head no.

"You can just be Sam," she told me. "I think a real man would like you as yourself. And remember, one already does!"

"Whatever. Just as long as I can be me, boxers and all."

She playfully rolled her eyes, and I got up off the couch and grabbed Freddie's phone off the floor. When I saw him, I'd give it back to him. Suddenly, it vibrated, showing that the dork had received a new text message. So, I opened it.

_Freddie, I'm moving in on the eleventh. Not too far away, ha! And if you want to talk about that girl, text me back soon. – Alex_

That girl? Hmm. Was Carly…

Nah.


	2. Freddie

It was official. Everything Sam has ever said about my mother was true. In the past, I respected her choices, but when she dragged me out of Carly's house by the ear, I saw her craziness more clearly than ever. Why did she have to butt in like that? A year ago, I would have only cared in one manner, but now, there was an extra. An extra that I wish would never have come to me. Well, to a certain extent. Sometimes.

"So, when is Alex moving in?" my mom asked.

I poked at the mashed, organic squash on my plate.

"I don't know," I answered, "Maybe I got a text telling me when."

So, I reached for my phone, which I assumed would be in my pocket. But it wasn't there, no matter how detailed the search was.

"What's the matter, dear?" my mom questioned as she brought out the steamed broccoli.

"Can't find my phone," I told her. "I must have left it at Carly's."

I left the table and started off for the door when I heard:

"Stop!"

Reluctantly, I turned around and impatiently groaned, "Why?"

"Because," my mother replied haughtily, "you haven't been home all day."

"But I'm just going to go over there to pick up my phone!"

"You say that now, but I know for a fact that you'll be there for the rest of the night! Your dinner will get cold!"

"Mom, just let me go pick up my phone."

"No."

"Don't you want to know when Alex is coming?"

She seemed to be considering this, but then her expression turned cold again.

"I will let you get your phone tomorrow morning before school," she scolded.

Sighing, I went back to my place at the table. As I took a forkful of the squash, I thought about Sam. If she saw what I ate on a daily basis, she'd knock my mom out, and then shove ham into her unconscious mouth. The thought made me smile. Stupid Mom for not letting me stay over at Carly's. It was more interesting, especially when Sam was there.

No, no. I don't like Sam. Well, of course I like Sam, to a point. But I'm not in love with her. In fact, I don't think I'll ever fall in love. I'm not the type.

All of my experiences with girls have been rather… horrible. The first I can remember was in the sandbox as a five-year-old. There was this girl who was in my kindergarten class, Elise, and she always wore her blonde hair in two, tight pigtails.

Well, one day at the park, my mom actually let me in the sandbox, and Elise was there, eating chocolate chip cookies. Those were a delicious novelty to me, so I asked her if she could give me one of the cookies. She didn't answer. Then I told her she was really pretty, and I reached for the cookie. Suddenly, Elise jerked away, and I fell down, ending up with a mouthful of sand instead of chocolate chips.

My mom sprinted to the sandbox, lifting me out and explaining to me that this was why chocolate chip cookies were lethal. I think she still assumes I believe that.

Then, I didn't get involved with girls until the sixth grade, when I wound up at the same junior high as Carly Shay. She was so pretty and kind to everyone that I just had to like her. Soon enough, I realized that she lived across the hall from me, and that's how I picked up on the obsessive behavior. I claimed to be in love with her, and someday I knew I'd have to be her husband. My stalker-ish crush on Carly started to fade last year when we started filming iCarly. She became more like my best friend than the girl I was in love with. The crush was completely gone by the start of this school year. And I don't miss that part of my life a bit.

Before I stopped liking Carly, I dated this "older woman", Valerie. She was kind of pretty, and I think it was her "interest" in me that made me go out with her. As it turns out, she was using me to help her create her own webshow more popular than iCarly. When I found that out, I felt really down on myself. Couldn't anyone like me, Fredward David Benson? Maybe my name had something to do with that. Was my mom dying when she decided on naming me Fredward?

*********************************

When dinner was over, I felt bummed enough that I told my mom I would do the dishes. Just as I was about to start the first plate, there was a knock at the door.

My mom opened it, and almost immediately, one of the most familiar voices began to speak.

"Hi, Mrs. Benson," Sam said politely. "Freddie dropped his phone when you guys were leaving Carly's. Would you mind giving it to him?"

Mom gasped, and then she breathed, "Why, thanks, Sam. I must say, I didn't know you could be this polite or kind."

I heard Sam smile as she said, "Well, like all abrasive folks, I have my moments."

"Yes, you do. Goodnight, Sam."

"Bye."

She shut the door and then laughed. I, however, was still in shock. Sam Puckett was being considerate of me! She hated me!

"Freddie!" Mom called to me. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" I lied so she could give me a more honest take on what Sam had just done.

"Sam just came by to drop off your phone," she said. "And she was polite about it! You know, I really do believe there is a good heart in that girl. She's so beautiful, so she might as well use it."

"Yeah. That was nice of her."

Sam. She was another one of those girls. We really, really didn't like each other, but then something changed. It all started when she apologized for torturing me, mainly for telling the world I'd never been kissed. Neither had she. So, I kissed her, and then I felt some type of weird connection toward her. I cared.

I never thought I would have to tell her that, until Carly's best friend from childhood, Missy, tried to disband Sam's friendship with Carly. So, when I found out that I had won the School at Sea program, I knew it was the perfect opportunity to make Sam happy. Missy, rather than me, was given the School at Sea award. When I gave it up, I thought it was just to get rid of Missy. But there was more. It just took me what felt like eons to figure it out.

Maybe I should just come clean. But who would I come clean to? Everyone I knew couldn't keep their mouths shut. The only person I could think of who would keep it a secret was the only one I couldn't tell.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I got a text from Alex.

_Dude, do you want to tell me about that girl?_

I sighed as I punched in my reply.

_Alex, I don't know. She's got me so confused._

Not even a minute after I sent it, I had an answer.

_Whatever you say. But I think confused is good._

So I texted with

_Not regarding her._

I didn't want to hear any more, so I turned off my phone and slumped off to my room. Girls weren't meant for me to love, no matter what anyone said. No one could ever like me for me.

Not even someone like her.

Then I remembered something far off topic. Sam still didn't know. Oh well. I'd wait.

A/N: Wow. In case you didn't realize this, the odd-numbered chapters will be written in Sam's first person POV, and the even-numbered chapters in Freddie's first person POV. I hope you all like it even though it's incredibly predictable. Please review if you did in fact enjoy it!


	3. Secrets Revealed

If I ever have to sample another lip-gloss, I might have to be locked up in the crazy hut. And that's not much of an exaggeration.

After less than a day, less than a day, of being somewhat cute-ified by Carly, my lips tasted like a medley of chocolate, cherry, strawberry, vanilla, orange, and meatballs. Well, I could only taste the meatballs because that's what I had for a snack later on. But no human should be allowed to try on that much gloss!

"Sam, we have six days until Alex moves in," Carly reminded me as she handed me another top and another lip-gloss.

"So?" I questioned. "Can't we do this the night before?"

"No, because then you'll be like, "I'm not getting ready! I don't really care what Alex thinks of me!"

I hate it when Carly tries to imitate me. It's because no matter how hard she tries, she can never get me down pat. I'm unpredictable, elusive, and different. That has to be why no boy, especially not the boy, will ever fall in love with me.

"Look, I'm sorry for being so pushy," Carly apologized. "You know I'm just trying to help."

"I know," I sighed.

That's what's so bad about Carly being my best friend. It's almost impossible to stay mad at her for very long. Being a little sister must do that to you. I guess being an only child makes you hard as a rock and like cellophane- like me.

"But you don't have to do this if you don't want to," she reminded me.

"No, Carls, I do," I told her. "I might as well try and see if…"

Whoa, I caught myself on that one. If I'd finished, it would have gotten pretty messy.

"Try and see if what?" Carly inquired.

Darn it. I just hate cleaning up my own messes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I obviously lied.

Wow. When it came to him, even the greatest liar the world has ever known can't tell a convincing lie. Did I actually just try that one? I guess I've been spending too much time with the most uncool person alive.

"Yes, you do!" she shrieked. "Sam, you have to tell me what you were going to say."

"What if I don't want to?"

"You're going to! We tell each other everything!"

I took a deep breath, and I really thought about it. Could I really tell Carly about this?

"Are you sure you want to know?" I began.

"Yes!" she cried. "Get on with it already!"

Again, I exhaled, not even believing that I was actually blowing the biggest secret of my life. Goodbye, my secret. And goodbye to my safe life.

"I might as well try and see if Freddie notices me when I'm a slightly cuter Sam," I admitted.

Carly smirked, and then her jaw dropped.

"Do you like Freddie?" she asked in a whisper.

"Of course I like Freddie," I said. "Don't be a dumb fudgewad."

"Well, I know you like Freddie. What I mean is, do you like him like that?"

"Yes, Carly, I like him like that. Is it really that hard to see?"

She made a pondering face and replied, "Actually, when you think about it, it's not that hard to see. But…"

Her voice flatly stopped, leaving my heart going faster than me at an all you can eat bacon buffet.

There had to be more to Carly's story… more that she (and someone else, clearly) didn't want me to know.

"But what?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing," she said in that signature, worried Carly voice. "Here. Try on this top!"

She pushed something into my face, and I moved it away to see what it really was.

"This is a mini skirt," I pointed out. "Now tell me."

"Oops, silly me."

She meandered over to the kitchen, but I pulled her by the hair so I could get more out of her.

"Tell me," I demanded.

Carly scrunched up her face, and I knew she was searching for some type of lie so that I would forget about what she was going to say before.

"Look, I don't think you should know right now. One day, soon, you'll figure it out, but I don't think I should be the one you hear it from."

Oddly enough, I respected her floundering, so I told her that it was okay and that I would drop it.

"Yay!" She grinned. "Now, we have to be done with out fashionista day. Freddie will be over in a few minutes to do iCarly."

I felt myself beaming at the mention of his name. Things were bound to go a lot more easily know that Carly knew my secret. Then I thought about it a little longer, and I realized it wouldn't be simpler in the scheme of things. Oh great.

************************************

A few seconds later, Freddie came through the door. He didn't say anything, but his eyes went directly to me. And I'm not gaga enough to assume that he was going to proclaim his undying (nonexistent) love for me. In fact, I knew he was staring at me because I gave him his phone last night. To top it all off, I'd be nice about it, too. Stupid me- not knowing it was going to lead to confrontation from the dork.

"What are you staring at me for?" I sneered.

"Why were you all nice when you gave my mom my phone?"

Shrugging, I answered, "Must have been something in the Mocha Cola."

He grinned a little and then chuckled with, "Uh-huh, I'm sure you don't have a nice bone in your body."

Inwardly, I laughed. Typical Freddie sarcasm.

"You should be sure," I stated.

"Sam, you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. I just don't wanna play along."

Freddie rolled his eyes and finally turned to talk to Carly.

"Are you ready to do the show?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "Hey, did you hear anything else about your cousin?"

Again, I laughed within myself. Carls was so desperate for a guy right now that she was pumping Freddie for information almost as soon as he walked in.

"Alex is moving in on the eleventh," he told us what we already knew. "But that's all."

"You might want to tell him to pack wedgie-free underwear," I warned. "You know I'm going to want to start messing with the guy right away."

Predictably, Freddie stared at me with an open-mouthed, confused expression. In the way I knew he would, he objected,

"I am not going to tell my cousin to bring wedgie-free underwear. Do they even make that?"

"Doesn't even matter, Benson. Hey, what were you gonna say about your potentially dorky cousin yesterday?"

He seemed to be chuckling to himself, and he started with, "It's just…"

"Oh my gosh!" Carly's brother, Spencer, ran into the room, a cup for a fast food restaurant in his hand.

"What up with the cup, Spence?" Freddie laughed.

What a cute laugh. I wanted to hear him do it again. After a while, I found myself so immersed in everything that was Freddie, I was even listening to Spencer's inevitably ridiculous story.

"And that's why there are seventy-three more of these in my room right now," he concluded.

"Wow," Carly said dully. "That story intrigues me, but in no way surprises me. We should probably head upstairs to do the show."

We went for the elevator, and I turned to Freddie and asked, "What about Alex?"

Looking down to the ground, he muttered, "Nothing."

Nothing. Just what my feelings for him would never amount to.

** A/N: See, this is where the OOC kicks in. I don't think Sam would be begging Carly to tell her some gossipy secret, but I could be wrong. So, if you liked, please review!**


	4. TwoWay Street

The days went by in a blur. Focusing was hard, but I knew there was one thing I still had time to for other than Alex. But I didn't want to think about if any more than I already did. It was tearing me apart.

It also didn't help that Alex was texting me every hour asking me if I wanted to talk about it. Why couldn't the nuisance just grasp the idea that waiting and seeing was the best thing to do in this case?

My phone vibrated. Apparently Alex didn't get it.

_Just tell me what to expect. I can do things to help._

Groaning, I sent a message in response.

_There is nothing you can do to help. I'll just have to figure it out on my own._

Alex wouldn't take no for answer- I knew that. But it was two days until the arrival, and then that wise old cousin of mine could easily see the defeat.

Out of all the people I know, Alex is the only one I ever told. Before I said that nobody knew, but I meant that nobody in close proximity knew. The more I think about it, the more I could see how clear it was, but people can be so dense sometimes that it was hard for them to figure out the obvious.

Truthfully, I'm in love with Sam. Yes, Samantha Puckett, the blonde with fury. The same blonde who made me hurt on a daily basis. The same blonde who hated me. And because she hated me, she'd never be in love with me. In other words, I was totally in for it.

I just couldn't see any reason why I wouldn't love Sam. Sure, she was loud and had a tendency to be rude. All that meant was that she always means serious business. And I would much rather be with someone mentally (not to mention physically) strong like Sam, and not someone who freaked out so easily like… Carly.

Then there's the matter of people's reactions if they found out I liked Sam. Carly wouldn't believe it, and she'd try to talk me out of it. Being that Sam and I are her best friends, and it would be weird for her if we started dating, I can't blame Carly. Spencer… well, he's Spencer, so the most he'd do is be shocked by it temporarily. He's the only male figure around for me, so I know he'd try to help with Sam, but I have a feeling he would let it slip to Carly.

And oh butter… my mom. Knowing her, she'd tell me that Sam was unhealthy and attracted ticks. Well, if she does draw in the bugs, call me a tick. Of course, I couldn't say that to my mother. I couldn't even begin to tell her how much Sam means to me. But that barely upset me in the long run, because I knew Sam would never feel the same way about me.

I couldn't take thinking about her without seeing her, so I left my house and walked across the hall to Carly's. Sam would be there like always. I noticed that she was wearing lip-gloss consistently, and I assumed it was Carly's doing. Couldn't be because of… no, not even Carly is crazy enough to do that.

"Oh, hey Freddie," Carly greeted me. "Come in."

"Thanks," I said hurriedly and looked for Sam.

It wasn't like I was going to tell her how I felt (yet). Personally, I didn't feel like dying before I could see Alex.

"Freddork!" Sam exclaimed with a smirk. "Leave."

See? What a letdown. She hated me, and I would go on loving her even though I never had a chance. They'd say I was too stupid to believe this, but I know I'm not. At fifteen, I am perfectly capable of saying that I love Sam, and I will continue to love her even after the day I die.

"Why do you want me to leave?" I asked.

I must admit that it does occasionally make me mad that Sam never wants me around. If she just gave me a chance, the feelings may be come mutual. In my dreams, they already were, and she was just insanely talented at hiding the truth. But then reality comes back, and I remember that there's no way.

"Because you're annoying," she insulted. "And Carly and I were talking about girl things."

I snickered. Perfect timing to hide my feelings from Sam.

"Because you're such a girl and everything, Sam."

She deeply frowned at me, and I wished I could tack more on to my statement. I would tell her that she wasn't in fact a girl. No, Sam was so much more than that. Any way I tried to dissect it, she was a woman- a beautiful woman- through and through.

But there was no way in heck I was going to say that without being rushed to a hospital.

"I'm not leaving," I protested. "Talk around me for all I care."

To be honest, I didn't care if Sam and Carly talked to me or not. Hearing Sam's voice and seeing her face was enough for me. Then again, she would make me more upset because I knew this was one-sided… always. I was having trouble deciding what was healthy and unhealthy.

"No way!" Carly screeched. "We're talking about guys. You don't want to hear that garbage, do you, Freddie?"

What I wanted to ask was: Is Sam talking about how much she loves and adores me? Instead, I said,

"Yeah, you're right. Maybe I should get in on the conversation."

Sam chuckled.

"Right. Buh-bye!"

She grabbed me forcefully by the shoulders and shoved me out the door.

"But I don't want to leave!" I whined.

"Too bad! You can't be here right now!"

The door was then slammed and locked in my face. Now, I don't know what caused me to hear this, but I could have sworn I heard Sam mumble, "That was a close one." And Carly muttered back, "Yeah. Imagine if."

It gave me hope, and it made me happy… just for a second. Then I told myself I was probably dreaming. She had thrown me out of there pretty hard, and I could very well be unconscious.

But I knew I wasn't when I heard:

"Fredweird, if you don't leave right now, I'm going to do what Ernie the butcher does to pigs, but it's gonna be ten times slower and more painful when I do it!"

Rolling my eyes, I opened the door to my house and slumped in.

Independence. See why I love her?

************************************

The two days until Alex's arrival went by surprisingly quickly. Before long, it was finally time to see my somewhat estranged cousin.

When it was, at last, the exact time, I ran into the lobby.

"No running, useless boy!" Lewbert, the evil doorman, screamed.

I did what I always do and paid no attention to him.

Then I saw Alex, who had changed so much and not at all. I could tell, just by the eyes, that this was still the same Alex I knew so well.

"Freddie!"

My name was shouted, and I ran. Laugh all you want, but I hugged Alex right away. Four years had passed since we last saw each other. Hugging seemed only plausible.

"Hey, Alex," I said. "I can't believe you're actually here!"

"Neither can I!"

Suddenly, Alex was giving me this weird look, but I knew just what it meant.

"Don't start whining, Fredward Benson," was the warning. "I've gotta meet this Sam chick. Is she here right now?"

Biting my bottom lip, I bitterly answered, "Yeah. Do you want to meet her right now?"

"Uh-huh. Let's go!"

We ran up the stairs, and I found myself in front of Carly's apartment. Emotions began to overflow in me. There was suspense (Sam was in there), love, excitement, and the need to see the look on Sam and Carly's faces when we came in.

I knocked, and Carly came to the door and said, "Hey! Do you have your cousin?"

"You bet," I told her and walked in.

I noticed that Carly looked a little too dressy for the average Saturday afternoon, and Sam looked pretty different too. All I said before was wrong. Carly Shay was indeed that crazy.

"You can come in now, Alex," I called slyly, because I knew exactly what they were up to.

Perfectly, Alex walked into the house, and when she smiled in greeting, Sam and Carly's jaws dropped simultaneously.

And to think. How could they have thought that my _favorite_ cousin could possibly be a boy?

**A/N: And there you have it. Alex is a girl. I know a lot of you guessed it in the reviews, but I don't want you complaining about the fact that the whole Alex is a girl thing was too predictable. The story isn't about Alex being a girl- it's about the relationship between Sam and Freddie based on her influence. Just thought I'd express that. If you liked, please review!**


	5. Alex

Ever heard of being in shock? Trust me- not the greatest feeling in the world. How could I be standing there in front of someone who was the exact opposite of what I thought?

Alex, Freddie's cousin, was a _girl_.

I should have expected that, considering that Carly and me are his only friends. But he could have specified that Alex was a chick.

Oh my gosh.

The little dweeb.

Telling me that Alex was a girl was what he was going to say before. And when I asked him again, he claimed it was nothing. Why do I like him?

Oh yeah. Because other than the fact that he just kept a pretty big detail a secret from me, he was perfect for me in every way.

"Hi," Alex greeted us. "I'm Alex."

"Oh, we know," Carly said, her voice shaky with the same shock I had.

"What up with her, Freddork?" I demanded. "She's a girl! Carly and I were expecting a dude! Now I can't give her a wedgie."

Alex giggled and waved.

"You must be Sam," she said. "Freddie's description of you was pretty vivid."

"Yeah, I wish I could say the same for you."

"Well, has he ever told you I once ate three chocolate pies and a ham in an hour and a half?"

I laughed shortly.

"Really? No way!"

"Way."

"That is awesome!"

She (_she_) laughed again. Even though I was mad because I gave myself a makeover for a girl, I could say that I didn't hate the impression I got off of her. Three chocolate pies and a ham? And I thought only I could do that.

Unlike that skunkbag Missy, Alex seemed honestly nice, and not wimpy and girly. Also, and I didn't mean this in any weird way, Alex was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. She had hips, boobs, long brown hair, and shocking blue eyes. And she seemed like a girl with my kind of personality? It was definite- I liked her.

Thank God she and Freddie were related.

"Sorry that we seem so weird, Alex," Carly apologized. "It's just that we kind of went all out to look cute because we thought you were going to be a guy."

Alex eyed Carly strangely and shot back, "Well, you'd better not be disappointed."

"Don't be so rude, Alex," Freddie muttered to her. Then he looked to Carly and me.

"Guys, this is Alexis Benson," he told us.

"We figured that out," I sneered. "Only it would have been easier on me if you specified that she was Alexis and not Alexander!"

"Please relax, Sam," Carly commanded.

"That's okay," Alex assured. "If I was meeting Sam without knowing she was a girl, I'd probably do the same thing."

Nervously, Freddie cleared his throat and widened his eyes.

"But you weren't planning on that, were you?" he asked in some annoying tone that was probably code for something.

"No," she chuckled. "I certainly knew Sam was a girl."

Why was Alex paying so much attention to me? Usually, people who are introduced to Carly and me take a strong liking to Carly, and they leave me out like the gristle from a steak. As sick as it might seem, it felt great for the spotlight to be on me and not Carly for a change.

Apparently, Carly was catching on to Alex's game, too.

"So, what bring you to Seattle?" she asked.

Poor Carls. Being her best friend for so many years really made me know her well. She was worried that she was doing something wrong because Alex wasn't paying attention to her. To the un-Carly trained eye, it seems like she's being a little brat. But I know that's just the way she is- a nice girl who was compassionate and caring.

"Well," Alex started answering Carly's question, "My mom got a promotion at work, but that meant we had to move to Seattle. And when I heard this was where the job was, I got so excited."

"Who'd be excited to see Freddie?" I asked.

I was trying to hide the fact that I am always beyond ecstatic when I get to see Freddie. At school, I count down until our next class together. And I'm always coming close to jumping up and down after school when I know he'll be at Carly's soon.

But I couldn't let this chick even suspect that. She seemed too clever.

"I'm always excited to see Freddie," Alex finished, "and I'm happy to be here. My boyfriend, Sean- his mom got the same kind of promotion in Seattle, too. So he's here now, and I officially get to meet Sam and Carly!"

"An absolute riot," I remarked.

Then I made a type of random connection.

"Hey," I began, "your last name is Benson, right?"

Alex looked at me, testy (she was good), and said,

"Right."

"How come you and Freddie look nothing alike?"

She stifled a laugh, and Freddie was near-cackle. Great. I looked stupid in front of him, and such a smart guy would never love a girl like me.

"Sam, cousins don't look a like a lot of times," Freddie answered with a terrible, stuffy snicker.

"I know, but there's usually some family resemblance," I made a case for my idiocy.

Why couldn't I be smart when Freddie was around? Every time I want to be all suave and intelligent, even a slight bit, I have to say something that makes me look like a total donkey.

Maybe it's because I know Freddie too well. I'm pretty comfortable around him, even though my adoration is intense. It's too easy to be myself when he's there. But if I could just talk to him like I think, he'd probably be impressed. Since I can't help but act like a bumbling idiot every time I want to try, he'll always look down on me.

"Alex got all the good genes," Freddie stated with a laugh like it was absolutely hilarious. It wasn't funny in the least bit, but I gave it a small chuckle just for his benefit.

And I didn't make fun of him. He probably didn't care, but I took a definite notice in it. One day, I was going to have to tell him my feelings. I figured laying off a little regarding the tormenting was a good place to start.

"Do you want to go up to the iCarly studio?" Carly suggested to Alex. "You could see how we shoot our episodes."

"That sounds cool," Alex accepted. "I've watched iCarly every week since the first show. You guys do a great job."

She looked at me and said, "Hey, Sam, remember the time you and Carly had the debate over which was better, pudding or legs?"

I laughed fondly at the memory. Legs had won only because I assumed Carly had gone in and voted for herself. For an odd reason, it sounded like something she would do. Sometimes she could be so… I don't even know.

"Yeah, I remember," I sighed. "Pudding lost."

"It's because legs are more useful than pudding!" Carly argued. "You wouldn't be able to fit into amazing jeans if you didn't have legs!"

"You also wouldn't have to run the mile in gym," I objected.

"Well, I put in my vote for pudding plenty of times," Alex informed. "What did you vote for, Freddie?"

He did that weird nervous eye-throat thing again. What was up with him? I hoped I had something to do with it.

"I didn't vote," he said in an offbeat voice. "It would have been unprofessional."

"Okay, whatever you say," Alex sang in the way Carly and I do. Then she started to change the subject.

"Freddie, can you all take me up to the studio?"

"Sure," he replied. "Elevator or stairs?"

"Ooh, elevator!"

He and I chortled, and the three of us ran for the elevator. Carly, on the other hand, grabbed me by the hair and pulled me into her direction.

**********************************

"Hair! Hair!" I shouted.

Facing her direction, I yelled, "What was that for?"

"You may be smart," Carly stated regally, "but sometimes you can be as dumb as a door nail!"

I cocked my eyebrows at her and asked, "What? How am I being dumb?"

"Maybe not dumb, but you're definitely blind or deaf."

"How? Why?"

"If you're going to play numbskull, I won't tell you. But it involves Alex. Why does she have to like you better?"

I laughed out loud.

"Carly, you just told me."

Frowning, she responded, "I know. It's just unfair!"

"Relax," I assured, "I'm sure she'll like you."

But I didn't want to be sure. Part of me wanted Alex to only like me. This was unjust for Carly, but as far as I could see, it was completely fair for me. Not to mention the fact that it was my time to win- get the friends and the guy. Well, hopefully the guy. Darn that Freddork!


	6. Mischief Not Managed

I used to hate being an only child. Now I'm beginning to praise my mother for this fact.

Don't get me wrong- I'm already really happy about Alex living in the same building. But I never knew she could be so much like a sister. And why was this making me so miffed? Because her words made it completely obvious that I love Sam.

Everything from her facial expressions to her tone of voice screamed it. She might as well have made t-shirts. I don't think Alex realized that this whole Sam thing was never going to go anywhere. Matchmaking is a total myth. We figured that one out when we tried to set Gibby up with that Shannon chick.

But Alex just wouldn't give up.

"Oh, come on, Freddie!" she called after me when we got into my house. "I was only trying to help!"

"Helping doesn't mean totally blowing it, Alex!" I shouted. "What were you thinking?"

"Uh, I think I already told you what I was thinking. And one of us, preferably you, is going to have to blow it if you want anything to be come of it."

Well, of course I wanted something to become of it. Nothing ever would, because Sam would laugh in my face and kill me if she knew I was in love with her. And no matter what I would do, Alex would not cooperate.

Annoyed, I shook Alex by the shoulders and stared straight into her blinding, blue eyes. I thought of Sam's eyes when I saw the color. Beautiful, strong, hilarious Sam. I could feel myself drifting into dreamland.

"Freddie!" I heard a far away voice shout to me.

"Sam…" I sighed.

"No," the voice was firmer and closer now. "Alex."

And I snapped out of my fantasy, remembering just why I went there in the first place.

"Right," I coughed. "When will you ever understand that Sam will never love me, Benson?"

She burst into severe laughter, and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Why are you laughing?" I questioned.

"You realize that's not an insult when it's your own last name, right?"

Groaning, I released her shoulders. It's been this way ever since we were newborns. Alex always wins, no matter the circumstance. Sure, we get along famously, but it's a serious feat whenever I compete with her.

"Is this why you're getting all buddy-buddy with Sam?" I complained, and my voice muffled because I buried my face in my hands. "You're so much like her."

"Well, that's a third of it," Alex explained, and I could feel her plop down next to me. "We are a lot alike. But then again, so are you and I. I'm the combination between Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson! Call me… Sreddie!"

"It's Seddie, by the way," I said on a rushed side note. "But your other points, please."

"I'm getting warmed up to Sam because she's the girl you're completely infatuated with, and because I actually like her. And you've already created a couple name?"

"Just forget it."

"Okay."

Unbelievable. It appeared to me that Alex preferred Sam to Carly. Maybe it was a Benson family trait, because I visibly liked Sam better. Good. She needed and deserved a chance to be number one.

"What do you think of Carly?" I inquired.

Hesitantly, Alex chewed on the end of her hair. I should have known.

"What do _you_ think of her?" she twisted.

"Don't play this game with me. But I don't know what I think of Carly. She's my best friend, and she's really nice, it's just that she's too superficially perfect. No depth, you know?"

"Believe me, I know. And if you must have an answer about my opinion of Carly, I want to at least like her a little. With Sam, it's a lot easier just because I know so much more about her, and we're more alike."

"Yeah, yeah, you don't have to give me a summary of what I already know."

Sam must possess me. Really. She must have wired my brain one night as I slept, just to make me crazy. I always thought I felt something electronic up there…

Anyway, I could just hear her voice in my head all the time. Sometimes, I knew my Sam conscious was totally fantastical, but other times they were too realistic, or actual memories. And then there were the times where it was hard to distinguish between the two.

"Sorry," Alex apologized. "I'm just letting you know that I'm going to try to be the best newbie I can be. This includes getting to know and hopefully liking Carly."

I smirked.

"That's okay. You know, I kind of figured you wouldn't be all too fond of Carly. You've always been the wild type."

"That's me."

Her words sounded like something Sam would say, and I found myself moaning with displeasure yet again.

"See?" Alex shouted. "Do you see? This is why I'm not going to let you sit back and watch your life go by without doing something about Sam! If you don't do something now, you'll never be with her."

"How do you know that?" I shot back. "She could make the first move if by some miracle she ever feels the same way."

"She won't."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because she thinks you hate her!"

Again, Alex had me defeated. She was right- Sam probably did think I hated her. But I loved her with all my heart, and the only reason I hadn't told her was because I was purely terrified.

"Why are you always right?" I asked.

"I am not always right," she tried using modesty. "Most of the time, sure, but not always."

"With Sam, you already seem to be always right."

I sat back, thinking of all the terrible things Sam and I had ever said to each other. In the end, I gave up because of my love, but she kept going. And I knew why.

"It's just that… she hates me," I whispered lightly.

"Freddie, I think you're wrong on that one."

"Huh?"

"You heard. Sam doesn't hate you. I can see it in her eyes."

The old eye trick. How accurate is it, really? If it worked, I would be married to Sam by now. It's all a bunch of rubbish.

But who said getting information wasn't worth a shot?

*******************************

"Alex," I began, "do you really want to help me out with Sam?"

"Of course. Making you happy with her is my main goal right now."

"All right. Can you get her alone and try to figure out how she feels about me?"

"Definitely. Plus, I think Sam needs someone new to talk to.

Smiling, I said, "Thanks. You're the best."

"No, that's you," she assured. "Seddie forever."

"We weren't going to bring that up again."

"Right. Sorry."

Suddenly, my mom came into the room with a bottle of her bug spray of choice.

"Freddie!" she cried. "I heard the mosquitoes are coming out like crazy, and if you, I want you protected at all times and…"

She stopped and beamed when she saw Alex standing in the middle of the living room.

"Alex! You look so grown up and beautiful!"

My mom hugged her, and I could see Alex look like she was being punished. Mom does that to people- even blood relatives.

"What are you and Freddie up to?" she inquired, anxious, of course.

"Just catching up, Aunt Marissa," Alex promised. "I've really missed him."

"And he's missed you. As long as you're not up to mischief, have a good time."

"Okay, Mom," I guaranteed.

When she left the room, Alex and I gave each other devilish glances.

Mischief not managed. Never.

Well, at least not until I got Sam.

**A/N: There's chapter six. Sorry it had too much dialogue, but I wrote it at 1:30 in the morning, and I was tired, but I knew I couldn't sleep until it was done. And who's excited for iTwins? I'm jumpy and thrilled! Did you guys see that video Dan made of Nathan and Jennette, talking about it, and then Nathan was like, "Dan, your battery light…" and it shut off abruptly. It took me a while to remember how to breathe. But if you liked, please review! Oh, and I personally thought my little Seddie reference was cute. Freddie's already thought of it! And did anyone else catch the whole there's something electronic in Freddie's head from this chapter? I couldn't help but put it in there!**


	7. Confessions in Strides

Call me stereotypical or a conclusion jumper, but I think I can say this with a fair amount of justification.

Bensons are weird.

Or, at least the ones who are or are related to Freddie.

See, as much as I love him, I'll have to say that is one of the strangest people to ever walk the planet. One day he hates me, the next day of I'm the greatest friend he's ever had, and the next I could be… you know. But that last one doesn't appear all too often. How sad.

Yesterday, he kept acting all nervous whenever Alex would ask him questions about me. Normal girls would find hope in that, but I'm not a normal girl. I've had my heart broken plenty of times, so I assumed it was some kind of act to see what I would do. Well, I wasn't going to buy into the game- I knew better.

And Alex was weird, too! Sure, I liked her, and she was mostly cool, but she was so strange when it came to Freddie and me. When she asked the questions about me, it sounded more convincing than Freddie's answers. Maybe she was a great actress. In fact, she seemed suspicious about my feelings for Freddie, and vice versa, hence the strangeness. Who cares about what will never happen? Therefore, Alex was added to the list of weird Bensons.

Then there's Freddie's mom, who is one of the ultimate freak shows. She lays out Freddie's clothes every night, and it doesn't help that they're always worse than he could have done all by himself. Honestly. No fifteen-year-old boy, no matter how seriously dorky, needs to wear a long sleeve shirt under a polo in the middle of May. Seattle warms up sometimes.

I think any idiot could see my point. But the thing that led me to believe (lately) that Bensons are weird was Alex's apparent favoritism. Why me?

No one would guess that I have low self-esteem. Not even the people that know me so well like Carly, Spencer, and Freddie. Yet, I know that I'm unconfident when it comes to yours truly. And I'd be the only one to know.

It's hard being Carly's best friend. Everything she has is perfect. There's not a person (well, besides Alex), that doesn't like her. She gets everything she wants, and I have to work. She's the evident star of everything we do together, not just iCarly, and I'm just Sam Puckett, Carly Shay's stupid friend.

If Carly knew this is how I see things, she'd just contradict me, but it wouldn't solve anything. Why do girls do that? It doesn't help at all.

****************************

There was a knock at my front door. My mom was picking up Chinese food, so I was home alone. When I answered the door, I was very surprised to see who stood on my doorstep.

"Alex?" I questioned. "How did you know where I live?"

"Freddie sent me here," she explained. "He figured you would need someone to talk to."

She was right- I did need someone right now. Something made me think that Alex would listen and understand. Again, a trait Bensons seem to share.

"Boy's good," I thought aloud. "Come on in."

Just like I would do, Alex made herself comfortable and lounged on my couch.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that one?"

"Oh, right."

"So, what's up?"

Chuckling, I answered, "For starters, I'm keeping a secret that's eating me alive, I live in the shadow of my best friend, and I'm hungry."

Alex grinned and said, "The hunger thing I can fix easily."

She swung her bag off her shoulder and rifled through it. Then she extended a package of fruit snacks to me.

"Do you like fruit snacks?" she asked.

"Gimme those!" And I snatched the bag from her hand.

"You're welcome."

For about three seconds, Alex and I were quiet. As I chewed an orb of blueberry goodness, I could feel my arms and legs shake like a dish of Jell-O that's just been slammed on a table. Could I be able to tell Alex that I loved Freddie, her own cousin? Was it going to be possible for me to lie about that?

"So, what's the secret that's eating you alive" she inquired.

My heart stopped, and something told me what I should do.

"There's someone," I started, "and for as long as I can remember, I can't get that someone out of my mind. And I try not to let anyone know, but I know it's not good for me to keep doing that. Eventually, I'm going to have to tell, but it would be the hardest thing ever."

Alex looked like she was thinking about it, and then she mused out loud, "Okay. Can you tell me who it is?"

"It's this guy."

"Freddie?"

"Eww, no! What made you guess Freddie?"

Officially, Alex was the smartest person in the world. She'd guessed right off the bat that it was Freddie. But I am a convincing liar, so I knew I was safe for the time being.

"I don't know. First guy I thought of.'

"Right. So, do you think I should tell this other guy?"

"Absolutely. But don't do it too quickly, because the guy might get freaked out."

My eyes drifted to the ground, and I thought of telling Freddie I loved him, and his reaction being that of a scared rabbit.

"Really?" I piped.

"Truly," Alex confirmed. "Two years ago, I liked this guy, and it bothered me so much that he didn't know, so I told him. He completely panicked. But then I met Sean and everything was good again."

"So you're telling me that if I tell this guy how I feel without any hints, I might scare him to death and find another guy?"

"Not in your case. You seem like you've got your mind made up."

I nodded stiffly, thinking of Freddie and everything that made him who he was. Why couldn't he see me that way? Oh, how fabulous. I sounded whiny.

"Yeah, I do," I replied in a heavy sigh.

"And why do you feel like you're living in Carly's shadow?" Alex changed the subject.

Moaning, I started to tell her my biggest issue.

"She's so perfect," I lamented. "Smart, pretty, nice, and she can get a guy faster than anyone I've ever known. And it's complicated to be around that, because it's so tough for me to get what I want. Sometimes it's like she's milking it, because whenever I mess up, she's always there reprimanding me. Why doesn't she ever do anything wrong? It's so… suckish."

"Hey, listen up," Alex demanded. "Carly is not perfect, but she is all the things you said. But don't worry about her and be you. That'll be pretty easy for that guy to catch on to."

I snickered.

"Thanks, Alex. You know, I don't know why I'm pouring my heart out to you when I barely know you."

"That's okay. We must have some kind of instant connection."

"Must."

"And I think you," she got up to leave, "are pretty good at getting guys, too."

"Wait!" I called, but it was too late. Alex was already at the door.

She didn't contradict. I might be crazy, but I agreed with her on the instant connection. There was no game to see if I liked Freddie. She was just a girl that wanted to become friends with me. And I was okay with that.

Suddenly, I got a thought. Could she and I be… soul best friends? No. That couldn't be.

And the secret she seemed to be hiding. I'd never know. I'm trustworthy… most of the time. Being that I have a feeling that the secret is all about me, why can't I know?

Why does everyone seem to know something I don't know?

** A/N: You know what would be really cool? If Alex was actually put on iCarly for the next season as a permanent character, but we all want to see that happen to our OCs. Did you guys see iTwins last night? At first, I was mad, but then I realized that it's NOT EVEN CLOSE to the end of Seddie. Oh, and by the way, I'm having a little trouble thinking of a big, "dramatic" climax to this story… any thoughts? If you liked, review please!**


	8. Frustrations and Fueds

People hide in bushes in the movies all the time, but they never seem uncomfortable. However, when you actually lurk in them yourself, they're just about the most terrible plant.

See, not long after Alex left for Sam's house, I did the same. Alex would be horribly mad if she knew I wanted to come with her, so I left a little later and hid in the bushes. The worst part of it is that she was in there for quite a long time. But they could be talking about how much Sam loves me. I know, dream on.

And finally, I saw Alex standing on the front porch, smiling in a satisfactory way. Were my dreams coming true? Why was she grinning like that?

I heard her step off the porch and approach my bush. What the heck was she doing?

"Okay," she spoke calmly, "you can come out now."

Oh. That's what she was doing.

I scrambled to get out of the bushes, and though I was scratched a few times, I made it out with no visible injuries, which means no worried mother. Alex stood in front of me, her arms folded across her chest, almost laughing.

"How did you know I was here?" I asked.

"Had a feeling," she responded. "It only seemed like you to follow me here and not trust me."

"Nothing personal. I just don't trust anyone with Sam."

Alex chuckled.

"So, how did it go?" I began my interrogation. "Did she say anything good?"

"Well, if you're asking me flat-out if she told me she liked you, no," she replied.

"But does it seem like she likes me?"

"Maybe. We didn't talk about you. The only person we really talked about by name was Carly."

Oh no. They'd been discussing things that play a big role in teenage life, and I doubted Sam and Alex were talking about some funny bit on iCarly. All this time, I'd been right about Sam's views on Carly.

"Does Sam…" I started, "feel inferior to Carly?"

"Sorry, Freddie," Alex said, "but I can't tell you anything that went down between Sam and me. If you want to find out, just talk to her."

"Like she's going to tell me her deep feelings."

"She might if she loves you."

Yeah, right. If.

*****************************

Alex and I walked the rest of the way home in silence, and I thought some more about Sam. She must be more confused than I am with all of this. Sure, I was totally convinced that she hated me, and I had no hope, but at least I didn't have a mostly stranger coming to my door asking me if I wanted to talk. Sam definitely had it worse.

As soon as we got home, Alex followed me into my house. She doesn't like the preparation of her apartment, so until everything is set up exactly the way she mapped it out, she'll be sleeping at my place. I have to admit; having her there is nice, for the most part. Then there are the times we won't stop arguing.

"So, why did you follow me to Sam's?" she asked, pulling on a pair of pajama shorts.

"Sudden impulse," I answered. "Something told me I had to be there."

"For what? You were outside the whole time, and she only said your name once, and it followed 'eww' when I guessed she liked you."

My heart sank. I should have known falling in love with Sam was a bad idea.

"But do you think it was a lie?" I inquired, feeling a twinge of hope in my weak, childish voice. "So you didn't run home to tell me?"

"I don't know."

"Alex! You must have some kind of hypothesis!"

She flopped down on the couch, stared up at the ceiling and said, "Freddie, I do have my hunches, but I can't be sure of anything."

"You're a girl! Aren't you just supposed to know?"

Alex rolled over on her stomach and stared at me.

"To a certain extent, yes, I have an answer. But I'm not telling you."

Oh my gosh. She was too difficult to read for her own good. Heck- she was harder to read than Sam herself.

And then it all went downhill. She slapped me across the chest, and I tugged on her hair.

"Can't you just accept the fact that I'm only helping you half of the way?" Alex shouted. "You're going to have to be a real man and take charge of this!"

"But you've always been the tougher one!"

"I'm not the one who's in love with her!"

An awkward silence fell upon the both of us. It was broken by a sporadic playing of "She's a Handsome Woman" by Panic at the Disco. Alex's phone was ringing.

We looked at each other, wide-eyed and eager, and then both of us leapt for the purse. She was flailing around to snatch it, but my longer arms grabbed the purse before she could. The phone displayed the caller's name boldly on the screen: Sean.

So, I did the naturally evil thing and picked up.

"Hello," I practically yelled into the phone. "This is Freddie, Alex's cousin whom you have yet to meet, _Sean_. Alex can't come to the phone right now because she's ruining my love life. Okay? Try back later. Buh-bye!"

I flipped the phone shut, and Alex stared into me, her fiery blue eyes almost killing me. I'd made her angry, but I had to do it.

"Was that really Sean?" she asked dryly.

"No!" I shouted sarcastically. "It was Sam!"

"Well, if it was Sam, why didn't you tell her you're in love with her?"

Holy darn, that girl is good. I actually had nothing to say to that- I could only do.

I grabbed one of Alex's high-heeled shoes and threw it at her face. She let out a puzzled yelp and tossed it back at me. Thank goodness my mother wasn't home.

"Give me time, Alexis Jean!" I bellowed. "I don't even know is Sam is remotely interested in me, and you're expecting me to tell her how I feel? Already?"

"Yes!" she was begging now. "You don't know who might like you until you try."

"Drop the after school special act."

I looked back on the days just before, when I couldn't wait until Alex would move in. What I didn't know was that she would be embarrassing me all the time, and I…

Wait. I knew.

It killed me to say this, but I knew. Fear really isn't worth anything, because all you do is lose so much. When I was nine, I was afraid of going into a haunted house, and I lost the chance of being with Sam, who could have made it better. And now I was afraid to tell Sam that I was in love with her, and I would lose out on her again. Only this time, it was serious.

"We're not going to be the great friends we really are unless Sam and I get together, are we?" I questioned.

Heavily, Alex sighed.

"Looks like it. But I don't want to fight with you all the time, and that's all we've doing since I got here."

Feeling that this was most definitely going to switch moods, I came closer to Alex, a sympathetic look of care on my face.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I shouldn't be so pushy. It's just that I really love Sam."

Alex wrapped her arm around my shoulders and whispered, "I know you do. But I'm still not going to let you have that 'let-the-chips-fall-where-they-may' attitude about her. It's not going to get you anywhere."

I chortled, and she followed. We sat down on the couch together, remaining in the same, friendly position we'd been in. It was the first cousin-like moment we'd had since she moved.

Not long after, Alex and I fell asleep. Now, I don't remember exactly, but I think I dreamt about a blonde princess and her brown-haired prince standing in front of each other, flirtatiously smiling. Their beautiful, blue-eyed matchmaker (yes, I said matchmaker) watched happily from a tower above.

If only, if only.

** A/N: Sorry this chapter was really short. I don't think I'm that great at writing Freddie's POV anymore, but I'll still try. If you liked, please review!**


	9. Hiding

Hiding doesn't do anything. Despite this, I spend most of my life hiding from things I should face. Grades, the way I see my life right now, and especially my love for Freddie. It's the best thing I can do until I gain some self-esteem. All I can do is stay quiet and see what someone else does.

When I got home from Carly's on the Saturday night a week after Alex came over, I couldn't find Bonnie. She's the little mouse I found outside the gas station about a month ago, and instead of eating her, I'm taking care of her. But when I went to see if she was where I left her, she wasn't there.

Frantically, I searched the house for Bonnie, but she was nowhere. Where could she be? I looked in every nook and cranny of my small, cramped house, but no Bonnie. She never struck me as the kind of get lost. So, I went back to her usual home to see if she had snuck back.

The window in my room, where Bonnie usually stays, was left open. Anything could have happened to her. I'd lost the only one who listened, my companion, my true friend who loved me no matter what. Bonnie was gone, and now I felt more like a helpless mouse more than ever. I had nobody- not even Carly.

My phone rang, which startled me. It was Freddie.

"Hello?" I asked hoarsely.

I'd been trying to hold in my tears, and it really messed up my voice.

"Hey Sam," Freddie said in that stupid hurried tone he's had for the past week or so. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. "What's up?"

"Not much. Do you mind if I come over for a little while?"

I grinned dreamily, thinking of all the amazing things I could do with Freddie if it was just the two of us. But I still saw myself in the corner, staying away from everything new.

"No, I don't mine," I told him. "Come by if you want."

"Great. See you in a few."

"Right. See you, Freddork."

Happy with what was coming, and myself, I hung up the phone. Out of all the people I knew, Freddie was the one I wanted to be with most right now. After all, he did the best job of making me feel great, even when he didn't know something was wrong. He was like Bonnie; only he could talk back, which was good and bad.

******************************

Only a few minutes later, Freddie let himself into my unlocked house. When he did, a snickered a little to myself. He knew me so well- my mom and I never lock the house.

"Hey," he called to me because I was in my room. "I'm here."

I came out, feeling my way around the hallway. Once I got out to the lame excuse for a living room, I could see. Freddie was half smiling at me, but his eyes told me that he wanted to talk. Guys don't usually (ever) speak with their eyes, but Freddie's different. He just has a certain knowing.

"Hi," I said simply.

"Why is it so dark in here?"

"Uh, to save electricity. But I'll turn the lights on if you want me to."

Actually, I didn't know why I turned off all the lights. It was dark outside, so there wasn't any natural light. Being in the dark just seemed like the right thing to do.

"First the orange, now the lights," Freddie joked, bringing up the past.

"Hey, you're just jealous because I got an _A_ on that science project and you got a _D_ minus."

I flipped on the lights, and Freddie momentarily took my breath away. In the dark, I relaxed a little, and he was just a voice. Just one of my best friends. But when I could see him, it was so diverse. There was physical beauty to be added to all the emotional character, and that just made me all girly and weak-kneed.

Gross.

"That's better," he remarked.

He beamed at me, and I wanted to tell him that I loved him as more than a friend, but too much feeling covered up the words in my throat. The most I could do was act on them, but first, I wanted to talk. So why was I having so much trouble with that?

"Yeah," I absentmindedly agreed. "Why'd you come over here, anyway?"

"Felt like talking to you. We haven't gotten much time to do that since Alex moved in."

"Tell me about it. We haven't even argued!"

Freddie chortled.

"I miss fighting with you, Sam. At least we were talking."

Back it up a little. Is this really happening? Tonight, I could end up with my first real boyfriend, because I sounded like I could get Freddie right where I wanted him. But that had to be too good to be true.

"I miss fighting with you, too, dork," I told him, hoping he got that it was half joke and half serious.

"But I didn't come over here to fight," he assured. "I came over just to talk."

"Works for me. What do you want to talk about?"

Freddie was quiet, probably looking for some stupid topic to start off with.

"Well, what do you think of Alex?" he asked.

I grinned. That wasn't too dumb.

"After I got used to the fact that she was a girl, I really got warmed up to her. She's so awesome. I've never met anyone who's so much like me, yet so different.'

"Alex is a very versatile person. That's why she's my favorite cousin."

And I couldn't take it anymore. I had to say something, and I didn't care what kind of dispute it could put us into. I couldn't tell him I liked him, but I was going to try and see what he would do under pressure.

"Quit stalling!" I shouted more loudly than any of my other yells.

"What?" Freddie raised his voice too.

"Freddie, I know you. You didn't come over here 'just to talk'. There's some reason you're here, and I want you to tell me what it is."

For a few seconds, he seemed to be wracking his brain for an answer, and I wanted it to be "I love you", but instead I got, "I thought you said you didn't want to fight either."

What a little stooge! Was he blind? Of course I didn't want to argue. In fact, I wanted tonight to be our night. I wanted it to be the one we'd remember forever. However, this seemed to be the only way I could get it out of him, if anything at all.

"We're not fighting," I stated in an assertive tone. "Just tell me what you came over to talk about."

Pausing, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. I waited.

"Sam," he began, "I came over here because I don't just miss our bickering. I miss you. You're my best friend."

This was a step. Hopefully, it was a lie and he thought of me as more, but that was a long shot. At least he'd shed a little bit of light into what was spiraling quickly downward.

"Glad you finally realized how fantastic I am," I remarked in a classic me manner.

"Hey, if I didn't think you were so awesome, why would I hang out with you even if you torment me?"

"Good point, Benson."

We got closer together somehow, I got lost in his eyes. They've always interested me, like the way they can be as dark as my favorite brownies, but they have that spark behind them. Sometimes, I think Freddie's eyes reflect the way we, particularly the two of us, live our lives. We have good to us, and there are the times we can be caring, loving people, but then there's the lingering, confused, and occasionally evil darkness.

"Sam?" he checked to see if I was still conscious.

"Yeah," I breathed.

"You're great."

Grinning, I saw that moment on the fire escape. The night I experienced my very first kiss with Freddie. I could have just fled and let him sort out his own problem. But I cared too much about him to let it go, and it was the first time in a long time I exposed the real me. Tonight, it was his turn.

Suddenly, Freddie and I were even closer together. There was this surprising feeling that we were going to do it again, and I hoped he felt it too. Inwardly, I found myself begging to be kissed, and then he leaned in to recreate the moment.

And then he stopped.

"Goodnight," he whispered gently.

And then he slowly walked out the door and left, but I knew that couldn't be the end of us. No broken hearts, officially.

Once Freddie was out of sight, the lights became dim.

A brownout. How appropriate.

** A/N: Okay, this was my favorite chapter to write. Anybody like the light and dark/hiding and coming out symbolism? Oh, and I think I'm going to do twenty-one chapters, just so it ends in Sam's point-of-view like it started. If you liked, please review!**


	10. Knock Once More, Please

Opportunities don't accept that shade of gray. You either take the deal, or you just leave it be. But sometimes with an offer, you make the wrong decision. And as I walked home from Sam's house, I knew I'd made a false move.

I should have kissed her. Given, she would have really broken my arm this time, but I could have explained. My chance was most likely up, and I may never have another shot with Sam.

But why couldn't she be more straightforward? As we stood there, ready to kiss, I was pretty confident in the fact that she wanted to kiss me, too. Any girl who truly wanted it, though, would have told me to come back. She didn't.

I walked home in the rain, not caring that I was soaked. Sam was all I could think about, sickeningly enough. I imagined her coming up from behind me and spilling out all of her love, and we could have a second kiss in the rain, no less. How romantic and impossible.

Getting closer to home, I beat myself up a little more about not kissing Sam when I could. Her mouth was right there, looking like she wanted me to go ahead and do it, and I couldn't. Insecurity and being unconfident overpowered. My heart raced when I thought of what she could be thinking right now. Was I right? Did she want to kiss me, and now was she upset that I didn't? Or was she relieved that I left right before our faces got any closer?

"Freddie!" a female voice shouted at me.

Not even for a second, the voice sounded like it could belong to Sam, but I realized it was Alex. She ran toward me, her purple hoodie and best pair of jeans totally drenched. The sight of her was amusing. How could she possibly care that much about what happened to Sam?

"Alex!" I yelled back and sped up to get to her. "Get inside, you're going to catch pneumonia and die!"

"Who are you? Your mother?" she asked jokingly. Her eyes lit up, waiting for me to give her information.

"So, how did it go?"

I sighed, thinking of (again) what almost was.

"Can we go inside to talk?" I asked. "The weather is bringing me down."

Alex looked at me, telling me that she knew the conversation with Sam didn't go so well.

"Absolutely," she accepted. "Come on."

The second we walked into the lobby, Lewbert stared at us and whined, "Ahh! Rainwater in my lobby! Get out or get dry now!"

Ignoring him, Alex and I ran up the stairs, not saying anything to each other. Nothing could be said because my Sam situation was much too serious to be prefaced by small talk.

At last, we got to my house, and I was disappointed to see that my mother was home. Here comes the third degree.

"Fredward Benson!" she shrilly shrieked. "Where on earth have you been, young man?"

"I was at Sam's house," I told her.

She looked as if she'd just seen a ghost, and I heard Alex let out a slight snort. I nudged her in the ribs, and she obediently straightened up with a solemn face.

"Nothing happened, Mom," I swore. "All I wanted to do was talk."

"That's how all _bad things_ start. It is now ten o'clock. When is your curfew?"

"I don't have a curfew!"

"Because you never go out!"

"Mom," I started to soften her up, "I really need to talk to Alex. Do you think you could leave us to that?"

She rolled her eyes a little, and then pursed her lips to show that she was irritated with me.

"All right," she gave in. "I have to catch up on my reading anyway."

She walked out of the living room and into her room, leaving Alex and me alone. I didn't know where to start because everything had been so strange and hard to figure out.

***************************

"Start from the beginning," Alex instructed. "And don't leave too much out. I want you to make it seem like I was there.

That hit me with an idea. "Why weren't you there?" I inquired.

"Because I trust you enough not to follow you somewhere and hide in the shrubbery."

The smile of her face was smug, satisfied, and clever. Alex had the look mastered perfectly, just like Sam. Now I understand that I do in fact have "a type".

"Shut up about that," I pointed my finger at her in warning.

It was my only mechanism of defense, and because Alex loves me for who I am, she lets me keep it with no back talk. Come to think of it, so does Sam. But that's probably because I use it on a day she's too tired to attack me. There was a slim chance that meant she was in love with me.

"Okay, fine," Alex agreed. "So, what did you tell her you came over for?"

Remembering the way Sam reacted, I felt a bitter gnawing at my heart. Maybe the possibilities were larger than I thought.

"I told her all I wanted to do was talk," I started. "But she didn't buy it. She told me to quit stalling and that she knew I came there for a specific reason."

"Oh, no," Alex gasped. "Please don't tell me you told her you loved her and she told you she didn't feel the same way."

"Don't worry, that's not what happened," I assured. "But I did tell her I missed her, and not just our arguments, and she agreed to missing the fighting, but that's just how she is."

"Aww," Alex gushed. "How cute! And a step in the blossoming romance, I might add."

That last part crushed me. She didn't yet know that I blew it when we were about to kiss.

"Uh-huh. Then I told her that I thought she was awesome, but that was after she said she was fantastic."

Alex giggled. But she wouldn't be laughing for long. She'd want to have me dead, and I could already see it. It would say on my gravestone that I was murdered by my cousin for not kissing Samantha Puckett when I had the opportunity. At least I'd technically be dying for Sam, in a weak, stupid way.

"Freddie, I didn't know you were such a charmer," she teased. "Is that when you left?"

Wishing it had been, I slowly shook my head no.

"Before I left, Sam and I stood really, really close to each other," I breathed. "I stared at her, but then I started thinking about what I would say or do next. It's not easy with her. So, without even thinking, I just called her name. She answered, and I told her she was great."

"Fabulous job. Addressing what just went down is always a cute thing to do."

I groaned because I didn't want to be cute. For Sam, I wanted to be contrasted and dashing. Everyone's knight in shining armor is unique. Maybe I wasn't the one meant for Sam. But a piece of me, the only piece of security I seemed to have left, told me that I was.

"Yeah. And then I got even closer to her, and I could feel that we were going to kiss. Let me tell you, I was really ready to, and she acted like she wanted it. So, as I got ready to kiss her, I chickened out. You should have seen me, Alex. I lamely told her goodnight and left. So, get ready and kill me. I deserve it for being so dumb."

My eyes shut tightly, but Alex didn't punch me nor did she slap me. When I opened my eyes, she stood in front of me, beaming like a happy little girl.

"Why aren't you beating me up?" I questioned.

"Because it's okay that you didn't kiss Sam this time," she responded. "It is a little soon, being that it was your first visit. As long as you don't wait too long, this was fine."

Smiling, I reached out and embraced Alex in a hug.

"Thanks," I murmured. "You've been a lot of help. Honestly."

"I'm only trying," she said. "The stars are working out everything else."

The stars. They held the destinies, and they must know that I was meant to be with my Sam.

An opportunity would come up again. Now I knew.

**A/N: Poor Freddie! Always losing out… for now! Anyway, I saw Harry Potter today, and all the Ron and Hermione incidents were amazing, and they made me think of Seddie, of course! Expect one-shots inspired by the little moments they had, and by the way, the movie was awesome. If you liked, please review!**


	11. The Drive of Life and Love

Regret is a word I never use, and a feeling that never occurs in me. They say I should regret giving Gibby a wedgie, but I never do. I should probably regret not talking to Carly, my own best friend, that much lately, but as of right now, I don't. But not grabbing Freddie by the shoulders and kissing him anyway and not chasing after him once he left are two things I deeply regret.

My lips were still in shock. If I'd just stopped Freddie from turning around, he'd be mine, and all this longing would vanish. Why couldn't I have taken off after him? We could have shared a moment, and we could be together. Instead, I let him slip through my fingers. I'd give anything to gather him up again.

Part of me wanted to see him and another part of me was afraid. What if he didn't want to kiss me after all, and it was only something he felt he should do in that instant? Then again, he could have really meant it, and now I could be living my wish. Fredward Benson was going to be the death of me.

I wished I'd done it. When I thought about our first kiss, I remembered how spectacular it had been. Now that I really and truly did love Freddie, I knew a second kiss would be even more amazing. Seeing him after the first kiss was only a little awkward, but that was only because he was nothing more than a friend to me. But seeing him now, after we were going to kiss with no deal beforehand? This couldn't go well at all.

However, I knew I'd have to buck up and talk to him about it soon. If I didn't, I could regret even more. Worse, we could live the rest of our lives not knowing what our lives could be like if we were together. I saw Freddie as my forever, and he was the only person I'd ever loved like this. But if I stayed back, losing my shot would have to be the consequence.

I really shouldn't be afraid. This was Fredweird, the boy whose life I made miserable day by day for years. If anything, he should be scared of me. Yet, here I was, thinking of how awfully it might go if I were to tell him the truth. What could he do to me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Except break my heart.

It's true that if I wound up rejected by Freddie, I'd feel like all the life was just kicked out of me. That's how much I love him. Being turned down by him wouldn't be the end of the world. Actually, it would just be the emotional depression of mine.

That was when I decided I couldn't wait any longer. I had to talk to somebody about this.

Not Freddie- not yet. My issues and fears needed to be expressed and sorted out before I ever did that.

Not Alex. She didn't officially know my feelings for Freddie, and I didn't want her accidentally telling him.

So I headed off to my sanctuary.

************************

Spencer hadn't locked the door (really this time), so it was easy to get into the apartment. Quietly, I walked up the stairs to Carly's room.

She lie there, sleeping peacefully, and I wanted to do the same. Sleeping is one of the things I do best, but lately, it's been hard to do. Now, I just hide under the covers. Just lie there and wait and hope I finally get my way. It's my place. The place where I can be me. No secrets.

So, I didn't want to wake Carly. What if she had a place like that, too? Taking her away from it would just be cruel. Then again, I would be cruel to myself if I didn't talk to someone.

I shook her lightly, and her eyes instantly popped wide open.

"Sam?" she asked, not even looking at me.

"Yeah, it's me," I whispered gruffly. "Did I take you away from something more important?"

"Nope. I wasn't even dreaming. But why are you here? It's been a while since you spent the night, even without my permission."

Ouch. I remembered how distant I'd been since I told Carly the way I really felt about Freddie. A lot had hit me since then, and dealing with it wasn't a walk in the park. It was like driving.

Yeah, that's it. My life for the past few years has been like driving a car. Since I met Carly, I've been cruising down the freeway, no troubles. Then I met Freddie, and there were traffic lights and road signs. Obstacles that I'd finally overcome by falling in love with him. But since then, I've taken my first look in the rearview mirror. You know, the thing that says, "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear"? Right. Taking a look through that made me realize the conflict I felt in me regarding Carly had always been there. I've just never looked at it closely enough.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Listen, I need to talk to you."

She rubbed her eyes and sat up in her bed.

"About what?" she questioned.

"Freddie."

My heart seemed to cave in when I muttered his name. Everyone has a speed bump in their life. It just took me a little while longer to fine mine. Too bad I wasn't the speed bump for Freddie, possibly. His was definitely the tick bath.

"You already told me you like him," Carly reminded me. "What else is there?"

"Well," I began sheepishly, "I wasn't going to tell anyone, but you're my best friend, so I decided I had to tell you."

Carly looked at me, trying to process what I was saying. She was so imaginative that I could see her thinking the wildest things. Little did she know… there was nothing crazy to think about, unless you happened to be Freddie or me.

"Say it," she demanded in a hoarse hiss. "You're starting to freak me out a little."

Smirking a bit, I started my story. The moment that almost came to be came to mind again, and I batted it away as quickly as I could. I didn't want to see it yet.

"On Saturday, I was home alone, and Freddie called me. He asked if he could come over, and I said yes. When he got there, he claimed he missed our talking and fighting, and I said I did, too. But then he said he didn't come over to fight or for a real reason."

"Yeah, right," Carly snorted. "This is Freddie you're talking about. He was there for something. Did you find out what it was?"

My eyes lowered to the ground, feeling how close I was to getting to the point of my problem. He was a liar. He was the bane of my existence and my reason for living all at the same time.

"He said he missed me, and then we started joking about how fantastic and awesome I am. After that, I sort of found myself not too far away from him, and then we smashed even closer."

Carly's jaw was nearing the floor, and my eyes began stinging. Vividly, I saw Freddie staring at me, trying to figure out my feelings in that second.

_Do it_, I told myself now. _Even if he doesn't, do it anyway. You know you want to_.

The pain I felt when I found out I hadn't gone back in time was unbearable.

"And Freddie almost kissed me," I finally said. "But he didn't. He turned around and left. Now I'm wishing I could go back and kiss him. But I don't know what I'm going to say to him when I see him later."

This was it. Everything in me became feeble. Every car has its relapse, just like every person, and I was ready to fail as well. About time.

I cried. I cried, and it hurt more than anything has ever hurt before. After all, it had been months since I actually shed a tear. Nothing was making sense, and I just wanted an answer. Anything. Tell me yes or no and I can get over this anticipation.

As I flopped down in Carly's bowl chair, she ran over to me. Her arms were wrapped around my neck in a genuine manner, but I still sobbed.

"It's okay, Sam," Carly assured me in a kind voice. "I'm here. You'll be fine, and I know it. You're going to make this work."

She was right. I was too strong to be crying over this. It seemed so out of character for me. But change is no horrible thing. Cracking happens to those with even the slightest depth.

No more staying away on my part. Facing my issue was what had to be done. Drying the last of my tears, I stood up straight. This could be handled.

Thank you, regret.

**A/N: Okay, first of all, I'm sorry you had to wait FIVE DAYS for an update. I just wanted to make this really good. Did I succeed? If you liked, please review!**


	12. Twist of Fate

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I can't swim or I have the fear of water. A lot of things have happened between Sam and me regarding swimming pools, that's all.

And no, this doesn't have to do with the time she masqueraded as some nasally secretary and told me my mother had driven her car into a swimming pool. This extends not too long ago, after the lie about my mom and her car.

_Sam, Carly and I went to the local pool during the summer before ninth grade. We were having a pretty good time, even after Sam held my head underwater for a full minute. I'm surprised I lived. But that's not the treacherous part. Not even close._

_ Carly went to the snack bar and started chatting up this guy who I told her to go talk to, and they looked like they were hitting it off pretty well. So, that left Sam and me alone together. She was lying on a lounge chair, and I sat in an everyday chair because my mom thinks loungers are dangerous. I'm not kidding._

_ Anyway, I turned to Sam and decided to start a conversation. I wanted to know a little of what was going on in her head, but I was clueless on how to begin._

_ She fiddled with a pair of imitation D & G sunglasses and looked at me through them. Sam does care about how she looks sometimes, but I don't care how she looks as long as she's Sam._

_ "I can't believe it," she chuckled._

_ "What can't you believe?" I asked._

_ "You encouraged Carly to go talk to that guy. Do you not love her anymore or something?"_

_ Sighing, I thought about telling Sam why I wasn't in love with Carly- because Sam herself was far too amazing to be ignored. Still, I could see her making my life living havoc, so I let it go._

_ "Well, I don't think so," I told her. "But it's really none of your business, is it, Puckett?"_

_ Lazily, Sam laughed._

_ "Benson, anything regarding you is my business. I couldn't mess with you if it wasn't."_

_ In return, I laughed. She wasn't being completely evil, so maybe now was the time to make my move. But that could turn on the wicked switch she had, so I figured I'd stay back._

_ "Yeah, well, whatever. I'm just glad that Carly actually went up to that guy. And by the looks of it, this could end up pretty well for her."_

_ Not too far away from Sam and me was Carly, sitting on a high stool, flirting with a guy named Gabe. He looked about sixteen and the bad boy type- the kind of guy that seems ideal for Sam. But she didn't look all too interested in the guy. Thank heavens._

_ "Right," she said absentmindedly. "But it's all a sham, anyway."_

_ "What's all a sham?" I asked._

_ "Love. I mean, you think you're going to get it, and you search everywhere for it. But you never find it. Look at Carly, for example. She seems into Snack Bar Boy, and he looks like he likes her, too. He'll give her his phone number, but she'll be freaked out and won't call him. Soon, he'll forget about her and move on. Love is just a stupid thing, and I will never be in love."_

_ Her words made my throat go dry, and then I felt like I was drowning in sudden spit and potential speech. There wasn't a thing I could say. If I told her about me, I'd die. She sounded so… definite. But I would do whatever it took to change her mind._

_ "Uh-huh," I finally stuttered. "You're totally right."_

_ She looked up at the sky and smirked._

_ "Even you see the point," she remarked. "I'm proud of you, Fredison."_

_ I said nothing. But from then on, I knew I had to stay away from swimming pools. They only led to bad. _

****************************

That's why when Alex showed up at my door wearing a pair of purple swimsuit shorts and a purple bikini top with blue and red polka dots, I was very close to slamming the door in her face.

Unfortunately, she used her awesome reflexes and opened the door with a single push. As she stared at me, I knew she was looking for words. After all, I'm a strange, strange dork.

"What's your problem?" she inquired, placing her hands on her hips. "I thought we'd go swimming today. Sam and Carly can come too, if they want."

I shook my head slowly, and Alex tipped her head curiously.

"Why not? Does your mom think pools are a hazard?"

"Nah," I chuckled. "I mean, she does, but that's not the reason I don't want to go."

Alex frowned and rushed past me, and when I turned around, she was sprawled out on my couch.

"Aren't you going to tell my why you insist on not going?" she questioned.

I sat down in a chair next to her and sighed.

"It's just that last time I went to the pool with Sam, she told me that she didn't believe in love," I admitted.

Immediately, Alex jolted up and looked me straight in the eye.

"Are you kidding me, Benson?" she sneered.

"No," I replied. "And why do _you_ get to call _me_ Benson?"

"Because that's just the way it is with us. And you are going to that pool and we are taking Carly and Sam with us. No questions asked."

I had to laugh at Alex's passion and energy. She could get me to do the weirdest things, but I don't wish she were any way else. If anything, all she does is replenish the fun-loving kid that's somewhere in me.

"All right." I stood up. "Alexis Jean, you win. Let's go across the hall and ask Sam and Carly if they want to go."

Devilishly, Alex grinned. I quenched her thirst for victory, and I loved doing it. People like Alex… people like Sam… they have that effect on me. Oh well. I'm just a pushover.

***************************

Just an hour late, I found myself at the public pool with Alex, Sam, and Carly. Let me be the first (and only one) to say that I was nowhere near thrilled to be there. However, I couldn't get over how truthfully beautiful Sam looked. By once glance at her, all the liquid from my mouth had been drained.

She wore a one piece, because Sam has never and will never wear a bikini. Still, she looked gorgeous, because the suit was a shade of blue- midnight blue that complimented her eyes so well. There was a rushing pattern down the front, and she looked, well, fancy. Sam apparently looks her best when she's going to find herself drenched. How odd.

Then I found out I was staring. A hand was waving in front of my face, and I floated down off my cloud to realize Sam was trying to get my attention.

"Sorry," I quickly apologized.

"You should be," she fired. "And I asked if you wanted to go diving with Alex and me while Carly's being all girly. Do you?"

"Sure," I answered, "but where's Carly, anyway?"

"Snack bar," Alex responded. "She's with a guy."

No, I thought. There was no way it could be. But it was. Carly sat on the very same stool, talking to Gabe, the same guy she met a whole year ago.

"Weird," I breathed. "Recognize him?"

"Yeah, I do," Sam said. "Let's go. I don't want Carly to be all humiliated by us."

The three of us headed over to the diving boards, and Sam did this amazing swan dive. Girl has too much time on her hands, but she definitely looks good.

Thinking about Carly and Gabe again, I swam over to Sam, was clapping as Alex somersaulted into the water.

"Sam?" I said, tapping her on the shoulder.

There was surprise in her eyes when I said her name. Strange- she's never shocked with me.

"What is it?" she snarled.

"The whole thing with Carly is weird," I began. "Remember how last year you said you didn't believe in love?"

She narrowed her eyes at me, not angry, but puzzled.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Don't you think, maybe, you should?"

There was a pause, and then she broke out into a toothy grin.

"I'll see what I can do."

And I believed her every word.

** A/N: I tried really hard to get this up today, and I did. It only took me 40 minutes. Sigh. If you liked, please, review!**


	13. Pear Pods and Guidance

Unarguably, the meaning of life is found in music. Well, at least the meaning of my life. If you are a forty-three year old accountant whose boyfriend hasn't gotten a move on and proposed already, I don't think there's going to be a song about you. But if you're like me, the fifteen-year-old girl who's in love with her best friend and supposed nemesis, the music comes pouring in.

I didn't feel like talking to anybody, mainly because there was nobody to talk to. Alex was getting her room ready in her actual apartment. Carly was spending almost every waking moment with that Gabe guy from the snack bar. And Freddie… I've been staying away from him. All he's been doing is making me completely confused. There's just too much in that boy's head for me to grasp.

First, there was when he almost kissed me. But I really, really didn't feel like thinking about it. Then we were diving, and Carly met that guy again, which was strange. So Freddie comes up to me and asks if I remember telling him that I didn't believe in love. Sadly, I do remember it.

Why did I tell the dork that? It was, so far, the worst move I've made with him. Even if he was going to be vaguely interested in me, now he was going to be completely turned off. Telling him that made no sense. First grade is when you try to convince the boy you like that you don't like him. Ninth grade is when you try to make it as obvious as the chick that walks around with a big honk of spinach in her teeth. And I'd blown it.

Normally, this wouldn't upset me. I'd just find a way to bounce back. But I couldn't find a way to get out of this one yet. Being a hermit was what I would do until I figured something out. And I would. I had to. When I did, I'd have a bigger comeback than any washed up music star. Sam Puckett would come back with a bang, and I would make my life what I knew it should be.

But for now, I sat in my room, lying on my bed, the headphones to my Pear Pod in my ears. Music has always struck my inspiration, so maybe I could find the perfect song to fix my Fredweird problem. I did have a lot of songs on my Pear Pod, so I was bound to have at least one that talked about what to do when if you don't get the guy you're after, you'll explode.

I made my way to the band that seems to bug my brain- Paramore. Everything that girl sings screams something I feel or something I would say. When I found "Crushcrushcrush", I smirked. Exactly how I felt.

_I've got a lot to say to you. Yeah I've got a lot to say. I noticed your eyes are always glued to me- keeping them here and it makes no sense at all. _

Sure, I had a lot to say to Freddie, and the fact that he had been there, staring at me made me feel strange. Still, no answer as to what I should do to fix this chizz.

_Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone… Let's be more than this…_

When he said he was coming over, I couldn't picture anything better. And I was almost certain that we would be more than friends with a tolerate/hate relationship that night. In fact, I was kind of praying for it.

_If you want to play it like a game, well come on, come on, let's play._

There we go- we're on to something. The dork really was trying to get the best of me, what with almost doing something big and then turning around and leaving. And I was ready to play the game, because I'd been playing it for a while. Now I was just ready to get a little more aggressive. Mama does play to win, after all. Nothing and no one could stop me until I won this one and the game was over for good.

The song ended, and I felt unsatisfied. Paramore is usually my best bet when it comes to the way I feel. Then it hit me. I could turn to the band when I needed something to relate to, not when I needed advice. Now I had to look elsewhere. I sighed as I scrolled up and down on the screen of my Pear Pod. Hitting the select button finally, I hoped I could find some type of resolution in this one.

_My state of mind has finally got the best of me. I need you next to me._

Okay, so I'll admit it. I like Demi Lovato. She may seem perfect, but I must confess, that girl's got a set of pipes. Usually, she helps me out in crisis too, and "Until You're Mine" reminded me most of the way I feel about Freddork. There comes that feeling again. Sometimes it really does appear to be useless.

_Until you're mine I have to find a way to fill this hole inside…_

Yes, but how? Oh, the agony was killing me as I got closer to an answer. Even now that I was on the verge of what to do, the cavity inside of me just got deeper… even more hollow. Without being afraid, how could I not feel empty? Songwriters overestimate my abilities.

_Can't find my mind, always coming back to you…_

Need I say more on that one? But what am I supposed to do so that he doesn't come back to me in such a disheartening way?

Again, I was totally upset with what the lyrics had to say. Usually, people's lyrics speak to me easily, but now they just weren't doing anything. Yes, I can be poetic and emotional. If people saw that side of me, they'd think it was okay to attack. So I beat them to the punch.

But darn these stupid songs! Couldn't I find one- just one- that could help me out just a little? Out of seven hundred and however many, it only seems appropriate that I should have one that mapped out a plan for me? It was too frustrated, so I just gave up on looking for help. Oh, I'd come back to it, of course. The fact that the two I'd picked seemed to be totally unsupportive to the situation was just bringing me down, so I needed a break.

I know, after two songs of disappointment, who needs to a break?

That's right, I'm Sam. I get tired easily, so I take a break whenever I want.

As soon as I shut off my Pear Pod, a snippet of "Undone" by Weezer filled the room. Gosh, those cell phone ringtones are noisy! I checked the caller ID to see who was bothering me, and it read Alex. What did she want?

"Hello?" I asked, hoping I sounded just rude enough.

"Hi Sam," she said simply. "Are you okay?"

Oddly, her concern made me happy. It's not often that I find someone who can ask me if I'm okay without finding part of themselves in a dodgy hold. Alex Benson should consider herself lucky that she happens to be related to Freddie… and cool.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered, hoping my new tone could make up for the one I used before. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I noticed you looked a little upset at the pool today. Did something happen between you and Carly or something?"

"No. It was more like Freddie and me, if you want to know the truth."

My eyes almost popped out of head. Did I actually just say that? Alex didn't and she couldn't know that I liked Freddie, and that's where I was going. She most likely believed I hated him! If she found out that I was upset about something that went down between the two of us, I'd be totally busted. One thing I knew is that when Freddie finally knew that I was in love with him, I had to be the one to tell him.

"You and Freddie?" she questioned suspiciously.

"Yeah," I said, my voice unstable. "You heard right. Freddie is my friend, no matter how much physical and mental pain I can put him through."

Alex chuckled.

"Believe me, he's easy to tease. I've known him since the day after I was born, and I've been making him miserable since pretty much then. You know, I can't believe you've gotten so good at it."

"All in a day's work. So, do you still have that crazy idea in your head that I'm in love with Freddie?"

She snorted and said, "I never asked you if you were in love with Freddie, I asked you if you liked him."

"Same thing. Is he sitting right there?"

"Nah. My mom said she wanted me to spend the night at my own apartment for once, and I told her I would if she installed a mini fridge stocked with Mocha Cola in my room. Guess who got what she wanted?"

Laughing, I asked, "Oh, I don't know… you?"

"Just right!"

While I had Alex on the phone, I might as well ask her if she knew what to do in order to get out of the predicament I was in. Or, at least if she knew any good songs that could help me with it.

"That's a little weird, Sam," she replied when I asked her my question. "And it can only lead me to assume one thing."

My heart stopped beating and I could have sworn time stopped. Alex was too smart for even me, and now I had to tell her why I'd asked the question.

"And what's that?" I inquired.

"You are in love with Freddie," she stated slyly. "Aren't you?"

I paused, not wanting to give her an answer right away. But I would, even though I could ruin my life now. Oh well. It had to be ruined one of these days, and I would know that I at least tried to get the guy of my dreams to be mine.

"Yes," I answered solemnly.

"I knew it!" Alex laughed.

"You did? I didn't think I was that obvious."

She snorted.

"Oh sweetheart, it was more clear than a glass of champagne."

Well, I should have known. I had given Alex some pretty heavy-duty hints. But I didn't know she had women's intuition, too. She really is the girl who has it all.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I agreed bitterly. "Are you going to tell him?"

"No."

No? Her answer surprised me. I was sure that someone who was a lot like me in personality and close to Freddie would jump on the chance to let him know that he nemesis loved him like that.

"Really?"

"Definitely. Freddie wouldn't believe me if I told him."

"But he's the most gullible person on the face of the earth! Did you see him come to school dressed as a clown?"

She laughed wildly, and finally said, "Yeah, yeah I did. That was pretty classic! One time, I tried to convince him that what makes a girl a girl is really what makes a boy a boy."

I boomed.

"Ha! And he believed you?"

"Of course! Why do you love him?"

Sighing, I responded, "I don't know. I've been asking myself that question for years now. But why wouldn't he believe you if you told him that I liked him?"

"Because he doesn't believe that any girl could ever like him," Alex told me. "He's a bummer like that. Of course, you do, and he's just going to have to discover that by himself."

The last statement struck my interest. Why was it important for Freddie to discover that I loved him by himself?"

"Does Freddie like me, Alex?" I questioned.

"What do you mean? You're one of his best friends," she said, sounded like she was beating around the bush.

"You know what I mean. Hardly ever does someone ask you 'does so-and-so like me' if they don't mean like-like. So, what's the answer?"

She breathed heavily into the receiver, and I waited about fifteen seconds before she finally gave me an answer to the question.

"Look, Sam," she started, "I don't know how to respond to that. All I can say is that I can't be your gossip girl because I have nothing to say."

Should have known Freddie liking me that way was almost virtually impossible.

"You're right," I agreed. "Sorry I asked."

"Whatever. Hey, does Carly know about you liking Freddie?"

"Yeah, she does. Other than you, she's the only one who knows."

"Seems about right. There aren't many people left to tell."

"Well…" I found a way to contradict her, even though I never, ever do that.

"I know what you mean. You're going to have to tell Freddie soon."

Then I was worried. What did she know that made her use that word?

"Soon?" I inquired worriedly.

"Oh, you know what I mean. You have to tell him before you get old and both of you stay single for the rest of your lives. I have a feeling the two of you would make a great couple."

I half-smiled in agreement with her. We did make a great couple- not only physically, but our oppositional personalities just meshed.

"Thanks," I said. "And thank you for all your help."

"No problem, really," she assured me. "Get back to that Pear Pod of yours. It's better help than I am. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a great deal of Mocha Cola to inhale."

I tittered, "Alex, you're the best."

"I know!" she joked. "I'll talk to you later, Sam."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Therefore, I took Alex's advice and listened to my Pear Pod again. Surprisingly, it actually felt good that I told her my feelings. For a weird reason, I trusted her, and I knew she wouldn't tell Freddie anything about me.

Yet, she still hadn't given me advice on what to do help me get to him. All she said was to flat-out tell him. And that, yes, that small, little act, scared me. This is coming from the girl who throws footballs at teacher's faces. I am afraid of a dork's opinion. But at least admitting it doesn't terrify me.

Scrolling through my Pear Pod, I decided to give the advice giving one more shot. So I picked a hopeful song- "Untouched" by The Veronicas. Usually, I could find my relationship with Freddie in there somewhere, and maybe there was hidden guidance in it.

_Give me give me give me what you got 'cause I can't wait anymore…_

Well, of course. Haven't we already established that? Hold on a second- I can't wait anymore. Was this assisting me in a very bizarre, alternative and punk kind of way? Alex was right when she said I had to let Freddie know soon. Procrastinating was making it challenging to wait.

_I'll try to stop time never ever want to hear you say goodbye…_

Goodbye? Doesn't that sound an awful lot like _goodnight_? All I wanted was to go back and kiss Freddie anyway when he said that to me. And I never wanted to hear it again.

That's when I knew what I had to do.

Being stubborn really does take a toll on me. Alex was right and Carly was right. What I had to do was completely obvious. I knew what I had to do in order to with Freddie and in order for him never to leave in fear again.

I had to tell him.

That was it. Telling him was my only resort, and I would make it happen. Stupid me for acting like this was the end of the world, when the suggestion had been given over and over. Not to mention, it was seriously inevitable. Most girls discover this at the age of ten. Five years isn't much off that, is it?

Okay, so it is. I've always been a slow social developer, so cut me a break.

Sitting up, I beamed with pride. Spilling my guts out to the dork was going to be even simpler than I thought.

**A/N: That was different from me, wasn't it? This was my favorite chapter to write! I know I say that about all of Sam's chapters, but I really mean it about this one. And now Alex knows! AHHH! Oh, and the following songs that I used I do not own and I never will.**

**Crushcrushcrush- Paramore**

**Until You're Mine- Demi Lovato**

**Undone- Weezer**

**Untouched- The Veronicas**

**If you liked, please review!**


	14. Knowledge's Tears

Everyone knows I'm not the greatest people reader. Really, when Alex was completely furious with me for mistaking her beach ball with mine (ten years ago, of course), I thought she wanted to go make popcorn and watch a movie about friendly dinosaurs, which happened to be my favorite. For that, I got slapped across the face, and Alex wasn't punished because she's Alex. But here's one thing I do know. Sam is up to something that's making her seem offbeat.

After she said she'd think about believing in love the day before, I couldn't wait to see her again. So, I rapidly knocked on Carly's door, and barely greeted Carly with a "hello". All I cared about was talking to Sam. Not telling her I loved her, of course. But broadening our friendship just a little bit more. Heck, it could be years before we finally decided to date. She has to get over the fact that she hates me first.

"What's up, Puckett?" I asked and smiled goofily.

She snorted at me in astonishment.

"I'm fine," she answered. "But I want to know what your mom has been adding to your extra, extra healthy vitamins."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Nothing, nothing."

"Then why are you being so nice to me?"

By the way she backed off, I sensed a different vibe about her. After wracking my brain, I realized what it was. Fear. Sam was afraid of something I said or did. Why she'd be scared of anything I did was beyond me- I'm her easiest target. Maybe this was all a dream, and I'd wake up with Sam shoving my face in a toilet. That sounded more like her.

"Because I can be," I told her. "Don't get all freaked."

She sharply exhaled and looked around the room for some type of defense. She _was_ afraid. When I thought about it, I could take this unbelievable places that none of her enemies had ever dreamed of going. But I loved her too much to abuse whatever was going on.

"No matter how hard I could ever try, Fredweird," she sighed and flopped down on the couch, "I will never understand you."

"And I will never understand you, either," I remarked.

But I wanted to. Oh gosh, how I wanted to. When I looked at her, it was like having a fantasy of everything we had ever been through. Images of our kiss kept coming back, but then I saw her chasing me around Carly's apartment, pulling down my pants in the hallway, the way she looked yesterday at the pool, and when she said she could believe in love. To a normal guy, person, even, this would be nice. To me, it just hurt more than anything. And I had to leave.

"Sorry, guys," I apologized, my voice muffled. "I have to go."

Sam jumped in front of me like she was going to say something very important, and it was shocking. Usually she's the one pushes me out the door- can't wait for me to leave. That was another sign pointing to something was up. With my luck, it would probably be something humiliating and physically painful.

"Wait!" she screeched. "Why do you have to leave now?"

"My mom needs my help with something," I lied horribly. "I'll see you guys later."

As I made my way closer to the door, Sam tried to stop me again. It was what I wished she had done when I almost kissed her again that night, but it was too late for that. Maybe I could press my luck and kiss her now- better late than never to be cliché. No. I'd rather stay alive than be killed by the girl I cared about more than any girl out there.

"Sam, what are you doing?" I inquired, irritated. "My mom is waiting for me, and if I don't go over there now, she's just going to barge in here and drag me to my house by the ear again! Just let me go now."

"No," she objected.

"Why not?"

Her expression made her seem lost for words, which is something I rarely see out of her. Sometimes I could get her like that, and Carly had a knack for it too, occasionally. Yet, I wanted her to have words to say, because if she could say the words I wanted and needed to hear, I wouldn't have to go on trying to read her. Trying to get inside Sam's head was like someone with sight trying to decode Braille. And, not for very long, but I had it, I knew what Sam's response to my question would be. She just didn't want to answer it.

"Because I…" she started, but lost her train of thought again. "Because I… I don't know, Benson. You can just go."

She shifted her beautiful blue eyes to the ground and sniffed lightly through her nose. When I saw her like that, I knew I couldn't even attempt to stay. The sight was too difficult to look at, because I knew. I knew the words she was searching for… the words she already knew, but found it hard to say. The only words that she hesitated to speak. The only words I had to hear from her.

And I ran.

I've been running away from her so much lately, because I am afraid. But now I have no reason to fear. Well, I do have one reason. I have to fear for Sam's fear.

Now I knew that she didn't hate me. Heck, she didn't hate me at all. Oddly enough, I wouldn't be surprised if she never hated me a day in her life. It might have been obvious to the rest of the world, but it took me years to figure out.

Samantha Puckett loves me.

She doesn't love me like a brother or even a best friend. No, she loves me like the man she would spend the rest of her life with. Unfortunately, that man has been hiding from her and masking his feelings in false hate.

Of course, I don't think she spent all that time picking on me because she loved me in that way. That was invested in the way she is and the way she behaves naturally. You could tell me I shouldn't have taken it from her, but I did because I knew it's what made her happy, even if it tore me up inside. In the end, all that mattered to me was her happiness, as sick and twisted as it may seem.

I ran to my room, passing my mother who looked like she had something useless to say. Soon, I found myself face down on my bed, the place where I feel most comfortable now. An inanimate object doesn't know how you feel because it can't. From now on, maybe I should stick to devoting myself to still life. They wouldn't make me feel like this.

Horrible. Terrible. Embarrassed. Shocked. Regretful. Confused. I could go up and down the alphabet to explain how I felt about my new discovery and if I could ever produce the guts to act on this new factoid.

The more I thought about it, the less I could remember the last time I cried. Was I five, maybe? At five was the last time I saw my dad before he left, and I was very close to him for those short years he was part of my life. He gave me a long hug and told me to be a good boy and that he loved me. Then he took off for the door and never came back. I remember crying then, and I definitely remember my mom's sobs. My dad was my favorite person, maybe even my hero. After he was gone, I remember thinking that I could never love anyone else in any way ever again, because I loved him so much. Since then, I can't recall shedding a tear.

Until now, that is. A few fell down from my eyes, and I didn't care. Ten years is an awfully long time to go without crying, even when you are a boy trying to be strong for his fragile, single mother. Crying over Sam and how though we loved each other we could never be together felt completely natural. Those tears had to fall from me.

Maybe I should be the one to tell her. But maybe she'll think I'm playing some sort of evil game because she hasn't had the best luck with guys. Is that it? Does she think I'll be unfaithful or cruel to her? Well, if that's so, she hasn't gotten to know me very well as her friend. I've been a pretty great friend to her, thick, thicker, and thickest, and I think I've proven myself to be great at more than just her friend. That's what I've been aiming for. And being so close to the bull's eye but knowing I'd never officially get there was torture. So, I cried more.

My face belonged to an alien. Never before had it been wet with this many tears, not even when my dad left. Sam must be the one person I could love more than him, and the breaking of my vow I made ten years before. I couldn't stop crying over her. Slight choking came, and that was plainly humiliating. There was so much I could do, yet so little at the very same time.

The crying ceased a little, and I heard a knock at my front door. I prayed that it wasn't Sam; because there wasn't a chance I would let her see me like this. That would give her license to take advantage of my vulnerability, even if she did love me. She still thinks I don't love her.

"Aunt Marissa, where's Freddie?" Alex asked, worried.

Great. She wasn't just the person I wanted to see either because she would want to talk about it. Well, I didn't want to talk, and I didn't want to see anybody. But I knew I didn't have a choice, because Alex never takes no for an answer.

"He's in his room," my mom informed her. "He doesn't feel very well, I don't think. When he came in from Carly's house he seemed very upset."

Alex was quiet for a few seconds, and I knew exactly the fact she was making at my mother's comment.

"Oh gosh," she breathed. "I think I know what's wrong with him. Do you mind if I go try and talk to him?"

Yes.

"No, no, of course not," Mom contradicted my words. "Good luck, though. It's been minutes already and he hasn't come out of his room. I'm beginning to worry."

"Don't," Alex said, her voice getting closer to me. "He'll be fine."

I could hear Alex making her way down to my room, and she didn't even bother to knock on the door before barging in.

"All right, cut it out," she snarled. I could feel her sit down next to me on my bed, and as much as I wanted her to get up, I didn't have the strength to push her off.

"Go away, Alex," I protested.

"Why are you like this?" she asked. "You never cry, and now you decide to all of a sudden? What did Sam say?"

"I wanted to go," I explained, "but she wanted me to stay. She wouldn't tell me why, and then I figured it out on my own."

"What did you figure out?"

Alex didn't have me fooled at all. She might be a fantastic actress, and because of this, an awesome liar, but I could tell that she knew what I now knew. How long had she known that Sam was in love with me? And why hadn't she told me if she'd known it for so long already?

"She loves me," I said, my voice muffled by the pillow I had my face buried in. "There, you got what you wanted out of me. And I never want to see or talk to anyone ever again. Get _out_."

I felt her stand up, but I didn't hear her leave, which meant she was definitely still standing there. Why did the people I loved most have to be the hardest ones to deal with?

"Fine," she agreed. "I'm leaving. But only because I know you need a little more time on your own."

Then I felt her get closer to me, rather than farther away, and I groaned. Alex had so much determination and such a good heart. That's why it was hard to deal with her, because she always knows what's best for me.

"I love you, Freddie," she told me gently. "You're my best friend. And when you finally want to talk about Sam, I'll listen."

Before I could tell Alex that I loved her, she left the room, and then I heard the apartment door shut behind her. And after that, I noticed that I'd finally stopped crying. Maybe all I needed was someone to come in and set me straight… straighter, rather. I was still messed up regarding all of this, and I would never be the same again. Wanting something you can't have has always been a theme in my life. This time, when I loved someone I couldn't be with, it was much worse.

Then I pondered on the idea some more. My dad was someone I wanted but couldn't have. It had been ten years since I'd even kept in contact with the man. He could very well be dead or having a great life without me. All that did was prove that he didn't really love me anyway. Maybe he did. Five years old is a baby, and fifteen is just a toddler in emotional sense. For all I knew, I could be this confused until I was sixty-four.

I'd made it through without my dad. Since I did that, maybe I could make it through the rest of my life without Sam. Of course, I'd probably still have her as a friend, but it would be awkward knowing that aside from fear, we could be more. Yes. I could definitely live without Sam.

But as I said this to myself, I realized I couldn't. No, I loved her too much to ever even consider letting her go. She could move past her fear and tell me that she loved me, and I could admit to her that I loved her, too. That's it! I could be the brave one and tell her everything. Why hadn't I thought of this before? Hey, why hadn't anyone ever told me something along the lines of it before?

Oh, wow. For a genius, I can be pretty stupid.

Alex had been telling me all along just to let Sam know how I feel. And I had to discover it for myself. Doesn't surprise me too much, really- I've always been an independent learner. That was what I had to do. Be the fearless one and tell Sam. After all, she's the one that initiates most of our biggest moments. Well, except for our kiss. That was all me.

By now, I didn't even have my face stuck to a pillow anymore. I was sitting on my bed with my laptop; searching through things a tech geek like me enjoys searching through. My eyes were one hundred percent dry, and I wasn't feeling upset with Sam or myself. As a matter of fact, I felt content and proud.

But I didn't want to talk to her yet. I wanted to get used to knowing that she loved me and drop her a few hints as to me loving her back.

Strangely, there was another knock at the door, and my mother didn't say anything to whoever was there when she answered. But the person at the door did plenty of talking.

"Hi," Sam said. My heart jumped, but I knew for now I had to stay away.

"Hello, Sam," Mom greeted her generically. "How are you?"

"Uh, I'm fine," she replied hurriedly. "Where's Freddie?"

"He's in his room, but I don't think he feels the greatest. If I were you, I wouldn't go see him. I don't want you catching whatever he has."

Too late. Ha!

"Oh, that's okay. When he feels better, tell him I'd like to see him."

"I'll do that, dear. Are you sure you aren't going to make him miserable? Because he really, really doesn't like when you do that."

Sam chuckled, and I grinned. That would probably dissolve sooner or later.

"No, I don't plan on messing with Freddie," she answered politely and most likely, honestly.

"Good, good. Are you on your way home?"

"Yeah. My mom's newest boyfriend will be there, and she thinks it's important I meet him. So, I decided I'd play a good girl and do what she wants me to do."

"That's good, Sam. Have fun."

She groaned, "I'll try." And then she left.

Her short visit and conversation with my mother made me weirdly happy. This was becoming much brighter than I assumed. Sam and I would finally be together, unless I chickened out at the last second. Yep… that could happen. And then I wouldn't be so pleased with myself again.

_Don't assume the worst, Freddie_, my conscious that sounded a lot like Alex demanded of me. _You're stronger than that. You can do it._

Conscious Alex was right. I could do it. I could make Sam mine, and it wouldn't be the end of my life or the worst thing I'd ever do. Quite the contrary.

All of the scary Sam reading was over. Thank heavens!

** A/N: Okay, so this was my favorite Freddie chapter by far. I think I really like these longer chapters. How about you? So, now Sam and Freddie both have the same plan- they both plan to be blunt and confess to each other! Whoa! Oh, and I changed the genre because humor fit at the beginning, but now it's romance/friendship. Sound good? If you liked, please review!**


	15. So Close

There are a million things in this world I don't like. Running, stripes, vegetables… I could go on for days. But my least favorite thing, right now especially, is knowing you have to do something, but not doing it. Yeah, I'm not facing my fear and telling Freddie that I love him. Well, I mean, I will. I have to. It's just hard to find the right moment and the appropriate timing. There's no way we could be sitting on Carly's couch, me in the middle and the two of them on either side of me, watching _Girly Cow_, and I could turn to Freddie and say, "Hey, by the way, I love you." Gosh, I ramble nonsensically when I get nervous. And since when do I get nervous? It's hard to know what I'm like sometimes. I even surprise myself.

Like usually, I was at Carly's apartment, stuffing my face with Fat Cakes and ham. But eating so much, for the first time, didn't seem to fill me up. No, I knew what I needed. What was taking so long?

"Are you okay, Sam?" Carly questioned and handed me a glass of iced tea.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I half-lied. "Why do you ask?"

She frowned, crossed her arms, and tapped her foot impatiently. Sometimes, I think Carly thinks I'm slow or stupid or something. Why should she? I've never done anything that made me seem dense. Heck, I've only been clever toward her. Again, being the youngest must give you license to think you're better than everyone else. It's a characteristic Carly can't seem to control, and I guess I have to work past that. We all have them. Freddie can't control the fact that he has to hate me. Thinking about that, I chortled. The uncontrollable issues of my best friends all involved me. I'm like the middleman. And that's probably all I would ever be.

"You've only eaten seven packages of Fat Cakes," Carly said. "And you haven't even finished your ham. There has to be something wrong."

"There's nothing," I fibbed. "I'm totally fine."

I didn't know why I felt like I couldn't tell Carly what was wrong with me. A part of me said that she wouldn't understand and discourage me to tell Freddie. But it didn't matter what she thought because I was going to do what I had to do. Yet, I knew Carly was going to have some influence on me no matter what. She always does.

Manipulation. That must be another thing that comes when you're the youngest child and a girl.

"Oh, come on," she tried to get it out of me. "I know you. There's something up with you, and I need to know what it is.'

"No," I refused, feeling guilty with my one word answer.

She furrowed her brow and started towards me, but then backed off.

"Sam!" she screeched. "Tell me! I'm your best friend, and I'm supposed to be able to help. I want to help you, so help me out a little by telling me! That's what best friends do."

Carly is so great at that. Making me feel lesser and full of guilt. And I just had to buy into her little game, lose, and tell her what the problem was. It really doesn't do anything for me, doing what she wants me to do all the time. Sometimes I think she has some crazy theory where this is helping me along in life. Yeah- it helps me along if my whole ambition is to never get my way.

"All right," I groaned gruffly, "but you have to listen, and don't try to change my mind when I tell you this."

"Of course," she assured me. "Why would I ever do that?"

Gee, I wonder.

"Don't know," I lied.

I'd been doing a lot of that lately, and the lies haven't even been worth telling. I've been telling lies to people I rarely lie to. And it was just digging me into an even deeper hole that was harder to get out of.

"Neither do I," Carly said distractedly. "But go on."

"Let's see, I told you that I love Freddie," I began stalling, "and I told you that we almost kissed that night he came over out of the blue. But I didn't tell you what happened while we were at the pool."

"Oh God, Sam," Carly covered her ears and winced. "Pools are never good for potential romantic relationships. I figured even you would know that one."

"Will you please limit your imagination for one second?" I snapped, and she sulked her shoulders as a reply.

"Anyway," I continued. "You were over at the snack bar, talking to that Gabe guy you met last year, and Freddie, Alex and me went over to the twelve foot end and started diving. Alex was doing somersaults off the high dive, and Freddie comes up to me and asks me if I remember telling him that I told him that I didn't believe in love."

"You said that?" Carly asked, shocked.

"Uh-huh. But I was feeling all upset about the fact that Freddie would never love me, so I made it seem like I wasn't interested. Sure, I know it's elementary school-ish, but I didn't know what else to do."

"That's okay. But what happened the other day? There's more, right?"

Chuckling, I answered, "Yep, there's more. Then I told him I did remember, and he asked me if I thought that I should."

Carly's eyes brightened like what I hear planetariums look like (I wouldn't know, I'm always asleep by that time). She grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me, and normally, I would have been just as ecstatic. Since I was so anxious as to what I would do next, I didn't have the energy to squeal like a runt pig.

Ooh, pigs. Whoa there- now's not the time to be thinking about pigs, Sam. You've got a nerd to bag.

"Sam!" she shrieked. "This is great! That's a total sign that Freddie likes you, too! Gosh, this is so great!"

Then she noticed my crestfallen expression, and she placed a hand on my shoulder gently.

"What's wrong?"

For a few seconds, I paused. Should I go ahead and tell her the truth? But I knew Carly- she'd just try and ruin my plans. As I thought more and more about the recent events and what I'd been pondering about for what seemed like ages, the more I figured it was time to be the tough woman I am and just tell my best friend that I was going to do something about the boy I love.

"I thought about what he said," I confessed, "a lot. I thought about everything else that happened between us, too. Alex called me later, and she found out I like Freddie. Now, don't get all freaked, because I know she's not going to tell him. I trust her that much already. But I know I have to do something about this, and it took me forever to figure it out. I know now."

"What is it?" Carly asked, her pupils getting wider and more interested by the nanosecond.

"I just have to…" I started, my stomach screaming and knotting itself up tightly, "tell him."

At first, Carly's expression was blank, and then she seemed to be mulling it over. When she displayed her end result, I was seriously close to dropping dead of a heart attack.

She was smiling. Beaming, grinning- whatever you want to call it. She approved!

"Well, thank noodles you noticed!" she practically shouted and locked me in a hug.

"What?" I asked, prying her off of me. "I figured you'd be so upset with me you couldn't think straight."

She snorted.

"Why would I do that? You and Freddie are meant to be together, and I always knew it. But I knew the two of you are so stubborn about the way you feel that I knew one of you would just have to come clean eventually."

Carly knew all along too? Why is it that it took me so long, but it took Carly and Alex barely any time? This is my life we're dealing with here, and they knew more about me than I did.

"Meant to be together?" I repeated in a mousy voice. "Really? You think that? Wow. Sometimes, though, it seemed like you might like him in a different way than your best friend. Did you ever?"

"No," she told me, "never. Freddie's too much yours and too much like my brother for me to ever like him like him. The only reason I could have ever shown anything like that was because I was trying to see what you would do."

It felt like a truckload of corndogs had just been lifted off my shoulders. All of this time I'd been thinking about Freddie falling in love with Carly again, and Carly disapproving of my really wanted to get together with him. Knowing that this would all be fine with her was one of the best feelings I could think of. Hey, I needed one of those when all I've been feeling lately is dread and worry.

We wandered over to the couch and turned on the TV where some old, hilarious _America Sings_ auditions was being made fun of. I didn't watch it, partly because I'd already seen it half a million times on SplashFace, and because I knew Carly wasn't going to want to be done with the whole discussing the future romantic relationship of Freddie and me.

"So," she began mysteriously, "when are you going to tell him?"

"Whenever the time is right and I'm feeling it," I responded. "There haven't been any good moments for me to spring it on him yet."

"If you want, when he comes over here, I could leave you guys alone," she offered. "Without me anywhere near you, couldn't you feel it more easily?"

"Probably, but there is the chance I might not want to tell him tonight. You know, if it is tonight, though, we'll make up some kind of signal so that you know to get out."

"All right, sounds good. Have any ideas?"

"Oh yeah. How about this?"

I leaned over closer to her so that she could see that I was rolling my tongue into the shape of a taco. It was kind of a subtle thing to do, and because it's me, Freddie most likely wouldn't even think twice if he saw.

Carly giggled and nodded. "That's absolutely perfect."

*********************

Somewhere in my heart, I knew I'd be telling Freddie that night. Now that he had been more obvious as to possibly liking me, it could be easier to let him know my side. Then there was the part of me that was hindering my confidence. That part screamed, "Don't tell him tonight! He could be leading you on! And if he is, and you find out, you'll be brokenhearted."

Then I pushed that voice away. Freddie wasn't the type to lead me on, or anyone else, for that matter. He was a straightforward kind of guy, and I knew that all of the signs he'd given me in the past few weeks meant that he felt the same way.

Not long after I had the argument with my mind, Freddie came through the door, and I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest. Weirdly enough, I hadn't expected to see him this soon, even though he always comes in when I'm there.

"Hey ladies," he greeted us suavely. "How have you been doing?"

"Us?" Carly inquired. "What about you? You bolted out of here yesterday, and you didn't come back. So what's up with you?"

"My mom needed my help," he said, but I knew he was lying. "Said it was 'urgent'."

"What did she need your help with?" I asked. "Moping the floor with your face?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, trying to figure out the significance of that comment. Truthfully, I didn't know if there was one myself. All I wanted to do was try and be the Sam he knew (and loved?) before things maybe changed for us.

"What does that even mean?" he asked.

"Things beyond your imagination, Benson," I said. "You wouldn't even know."

The three of us moved over to the kitchen area, and didn't really do much talking. Most of it was exchange between Freddie and Carly, talking about exactly what his mom needed him for yesterday and that I (yes, I as in Sam) really wanted him to stay. Wonderful. Nice going, Carls. You blow my cover before I ever get the chance.

"Well, you know if I don't help my mom, she goes even more insane than she already is," he rambled. "And I still don't understand why Sam wanted me to stay."

"Sometimes I can stand you," I told him.

And I could. He was the person I always wanted to be around, and I couldn't help that. Freddie was just so gorgeous and smart and nice… vulnerable, yet passionate at the same time. I couldn't stop naming off the things about him I found amazing. Yes, I found good things in him. They just led me to knowing that now was when I had to tell him about me.

So, I rolled my tongue up like a taco, and Carly easily caught on.

"Speaking of helping guardians and parents," she started, "Spencer and I were going to do something involving one of his motorcycle helmets. I'll be down in a few. Bye!"

She sped up the stairs, and Freddie turned to me, snickering at the absurd sight that was our Carly.

"The two of you can have me baffled," he mused. "Especially you."

When he said that, I found myself ready to blush, but I couldn't do that yet. Nothing embarrassing like that could be done until I told him that I was crazy about him in words, not silly little actions.

"I'm confusing like that," I joked.

"You are."

We were quiet for a few seconds, and I gathered up even more courage to say it. Even though we fight all the time, and I tell him I hate him, I think he knows differently. At the end of the day, we really are friends and we actually care about each other. Freddie could stand it if I told him that I've always thought of him as that. Couldn't he?

"Listen, we need to talk," I initiated, my voice trying its hardest to stay steady, but I knew it must have been jumping all over the place.

"Glad you said that," he sighed, seemingly relieved.

Well, that's a good sign if I ever heard one. Maybe there was some essence of luck in the ham.

"Right. You and I… we've had some interesting moments over the past few weeks or so, haven't we?"

He smirked. "We have, yeah."

"And doesn't it seem like we want other stuff to come out of it?"

"Maybe."

Gosh, it really is true. Boys, no matter how truly smart they are, mature more slowly than girls. Freddie could just be up front with the fact that he likes me. But no, since he has to act like he's some little eight-year-old when it comes to this, I have to do all the talking.

"More than maybe," I snorted. "What I'm trying to say is that I…"

Don't jump to conclusions, whatever you do. I was totally prepared to say it, and then I was so horribly interrupted by a cry of,

"Ow! Why must you be so persistent, little sister?"

"It was the only way I could get it off!"

"There are about a bazillion other options!"

"Well, I'm only fifteen and not so competent in those areas!"

Carly and Spencer came down to the living room from upstairs. Spencer was massaging his head, and Carly carried a motorcycle helmet with Spencer's hair sticking out from the sides.

"What the heck did you guys do?" I laughed.

"The little demon wanted to see what it would be like if she glued my helmet to my head," Spencer explained in a hostile tone. "And it didn't go well!"

Freddie and I exchanged upset glances, and he mouthed to me, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I mouthed back.

"I'll go get the ice," I announced out loud and walked over to the refrigerator. When I turned around, Freddie was standing right over me.

"You can finish now, you know," he was almost begging. "They don't have to hear."

I thought about it, but then I knew that this wasn't the right time. Another time, soon, would occur, but for now I would leave my statement unfinished.

"Later," I told him. "I promise."

But then I felt a stab of regret. Things were almost so perfect, and I really could have just told him then.

And I don't even like chicken.

**A/N: I tried so hard to get this up last night just 15 minutes before midnight, but that didn't work out. So, here it is, twelve hours later. If you liked, please review!**


	16. Hiccups in the Road

Just call me Little Patience Benson. I'm giving you permission. As long as I can remember, I've wanted an answer right away. Maybe that's why I rely so much on the Internet. Trust me, right now, if I could type in "Does Sam Puckett love Freddie Benson" into a search engine, I would. This suspense thing was killing me, to use a terrible cliché.

When we were alone together at Carly's, it seriously looked like she was going to say it. I can't believe she thinks I don't know. Well, I guess I can believe that, considering that I was totally clueless up until the other day when she insisted I _stay_. Stay! No, I can't get over it, and if I don't for a while, please don't be surprised.

Anyway, I truly believe that Sam was ready to tell me she loved me, and then Spencer came down in pain, which gave her an easy way out. But I wanted her to tell me! I bantered her to see if she would still tell me, and she wouldn't. She said she would eventually, but now the time wasn't right. Only problem is, when will the time be right again?

Sam mentioned that it would be soon, but I never know with her. It was possible that she'd never say it again because she's still afraid. When she was done with it for now, it broke my heart to see her walk away. We were so close- so close- to being together, and then the chance was ruined. I should tell myself I believe in second chances. Do I? When I was younger, I had faith that I would become Carly's boyfriend and second husband, but that dream died. Years ago, I would have given my dad a second chance, but I don't even think I could now. So, doesn't that mean I couldn't give Sam another shot?

No. It most certainly doesn't mean that. Like I said before, I love Sam too much to forget about her. Gosh, I am such a wimp! My solution to this "unrequited" love was to be up front and tell Sam, but I didn't. I was going to let her do it all, because I'm a total loser. Shouldn't I go over to Sam and say it now, so she didn't have to worry about getting the right moment? Yeah, that's what I'd do.

When I opened the door to go across the hall, Alex stood in front of me. She waved and then moved past me, flopping down on the couch.

"Umm, hi?" I questioned and realized that I wasn't going to be leaving to confess my feelings for a little while longer.

"Yeah, hey," she said hurriedly. "Sam just texted me."

"Did she tell you to put down the popcorn?" I joked. "You have butter on your chin."

"Who cares? And no, that's not what she told me. She told me that you were just over at Carly's, and she almost told you that she's in love with you."

"That's what happened. Why are you telling me what just happened to me?"

"Because you should have told her. If you saw that she was going to stop and procrastinate to let you know, why didn't you just say it for yourself?"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. Alex and I really were more alike than meets the eye.

"And you're laughing because?" she inquired, looking at me with a horrible expression and placing one hand on her hip.

"Because I didn't open the door to let you in," I told her. "My plan was to go and tell Sam about me after all."

Alex harrumphed and grunted. "Well, I'm sorry I had to come and give you a lecture you don't deserve."

"Apology accepted," I grinned. "Hey, just out of curiosity, why didn't you knock?"

"Family doesn't have to knock."

I chuckled and moved past Alex. "Well, thanks for coming over here and trying to convince me to do something I already decided to do. Sorry there wasn't an argument."

"That's okay."

As I walked out the door, Alex cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, "You go, Fredward Benson! Make that girl yours!"

Chortling, I shut the door behind me and knocked on Carly's door again. They must be really annoyed with me today, because I was coming and going more often than I usually do. Oh well. When Sam and I did get together, Carly would just have to get used to my sporadic visits.

"Freddie," Carly whimpered when she opened the door to let me in. "We need to talk."

"Later," I said, rushing past her. "Where's Sam?"

"She's out buying potato salad. And she's exactly who we need to talk about."

My eyes widened, and I exhaled deeply. Carly knew, too? Did she know about my liking Sam or the other way around? Both? Now I was worried.

"All right," I sighed. "Shoot."

Carly sat down in the chair next to the couch and examined me for a little while. As she did, I knew she wasn't just going to talk to me about Sam- she was going to scold me.

"Listen," she began, "I know you like Sam. Like, you like her as more than a friend."

"I never said that," I decided to string Carly along for a little bit.

"Yeah, but your actions speak louder than your words," she elaborated. "Just the way you look at her, and the way you take her insults. Am I right? Do you like Sam?"

Biting my bottom lip, I hesitantly answered, "Yes."

Carly beamed brightly.

"Oh, good! I was afraid that somehow I would be wrong, but I'm not! Are you ever going to tell her? Because I think if you did, she'd say yes. Besides, the two of you really do make an adorable couple. What are you going to do?"

Inside, I laughed. Oh, Carly- she was such a great friend. Obviously, she knew that Sam liked me, but she wasn't aware of the fact that I also shared this knowledge, but she didn't want to blow it. I had to give her big props for that.

"Actually, for some weird reason, I thought she was going to tell me earlier today," I said sheepishly. "But then you and Spencer came downstairs with that helmet versus hair issue, and she said that she wasn't going to finish."

Carly wrinkled her nose, dissatisfied, and because I knew her so well, I could basically mouth the next words to come out of her mouth.

"But why didn't _you_ tell _her_?"

I snorted.

"Because I was afraid," I informed. "In fact, I was so afraid, I couldn't even think straight, so the thought of telling her never even occurred. But when I got home, I realized that, so I came over here to tell her, but she's out buying potato salad. How convenient."

"She'll be back!" Carly reminded me shrilly. "The store is just around the corner, remember? Just wait here until she gets back, and then you can tell her."

I thought about it, and the more so, I knew I had to do it. Sam liked me, so of course she would say that she liked me, too. My only fear now was getting the words out so I didn't say, "Like you Sam I" without even noticing it.

"Yeah," I agreed. "That's what I'll do. How long do you think she'll be?"

"Oh, another five minutes, I'd say," Carly responded. "She can never find her way around that place because she hates that creepy guy who lurks around in there."

Chortling, I thought of Sam sneaking around the store- a container of potato salad under her arm and a baseball bat in the opposite hand. The more vividly I pictured her, the more I wanted her to be at Carly's with me, so I could finally tell her my feelings. Waiting is not the easiest thing.

"Hey, Carly," I started, "when Sam gets here, promise me one thing."

"Sure," she said. "Anything to finally get you two together."

Smirking, I finished, "Go away for a little while, and don't do anything involving Spencer while you're gone."

She laughed shortly and then suggested, "Do you want to practice what you're going to say to Sam on me? I could pretend to be her."

Poor Carly didn't even realize the hilarity and awkwardness in that. It had been a while, but I figured she'd at least remember.

"No, Carls," I replied. "I don't think that's such a great idea."

"Why not?" she questioned.

"Well, I could practice my words with any other girl but you. You're too much like my sister, and you have to remember my obsessive crush on you when we were younger."

When I said that, she began to crack up. And, like I never thought I would, I did too. Being in junior high was a little (extremely) insane, and I couldn't believe I'd ever thought of Carly that way. Sure, she was wonderful, but the two of us together just didn't mesh. The crazy things I did… they were truly humorous.

"Wow!" she cried. "Freddie, I forgot all about that! I guess I've been so used to wanting to get you and Sam together I didn't have to time to remember how much you liked me."

"Thank you?" I inquired, confused. "No, just kidding. I really mean thank you. If you didn't realize how great Sam and I are together, I don't think you'd take it so well when I finally told her."

"Well, I am good at picking things up. Like yesterday, I grabbed two grapes off the floor! But seriously, I think you should tell me what you're going to say to Sam. And don't hold back. Giving the full effect is better for when you're actually going to do it. At least you won't be nervous with me."

Grinning, I agreed, "Yeah, you're right. I guess I will practice with you."

"Good! So, pretend I'm Sam. Ooh, if you want, I'll go grab a package of Fat Cakes and put on a blonde wig from up in the studio!"

I held out my arms to stop Carly from going up to the iCarly studio.

"No, no, that's okay," I assured her. "Just be you. It'll be easy to imagine Sam's face instead of yours."

"Aww," she gushed. "How sweet!"

Taking a deep breath, I searched for the words I had conjured up in my head long ago.

"Look, Sam," I began, my full emotion already being inserted into the words. "You and I have known each other a long time, and even though we hated each other for a while, we became really great friends."

"What are you saying, Benson?" Carly imitated her best friend.

"Why did you say that?" I asked her, breaking character.

"Because you paused!" she hissed. "And if you pause when Sam is actually standing in front of you, that's probably what she'll say. Or something along the lines of that."

Laughing, I continued, picturing that Carly was Sam again.

"But even when we hated each other, I never hated you. I always saw you as smart, funny, and a good-looking girl, maybe even the girl for me."

"Okay, I'm really starting to wonder what your mom is putting in those extra, extra healthy vitamins of yours," Carly acted like Sam again.

"Carly, stop doing that!" I cried.

"Freddie, stop pausing!" she shot back.

"Well, if I was pausing and Sam was saying those things, I wouldn't care. But since I'm pausing and talking to you, it's very weird."

"Sorry. Continue."

I inhaled again and restarted.

"What I'm trying to tell you is that I like you!" I shouted. I assumed by then I would be exhausted and anxious, so I would just want to scream the point and get it over with already.

When I looked at Carly to see if she liked the way I phrased everything, her face looked horrible. She wasn't even looking at me- she was looking at the front door. Her expression looked both terrified and sick, so I turned around to see what was causing it.

And when I saw what it was, my heart stopped beating. It was Sam.

A million words climbed up my throat, and I wanted to yell all of them at her, and that she had heard all the wrong things. Those words were meant for her, not Carly. But if I told her that, she wouldn't believe me.

She stood there, shaking her head slowly and shamefully. I could tell that she was also lost for words, and Carly looked like she was going to spew.

"Sam," I started, "you have to listen to me now. Carly was…"

"Save your breath, Freddork," she sounded like she was going to break down and cry. "I heard it all. I just thought you were over her."

She ran out the door, and I tried to chase after her. But once I got out to the hallway, she was already gone. And I had no idea where she went. Not home, because she assumed I'd follow her there. Wherever she was, she hated me now. The mere thought broke my heart continuously.

"Freddie," Carly began, "I'm sorry I made you do that. I didn't know Sam would come in. But it's not too late. Tell her how you feel when you see her next time."

"It's too late," I protested. "She'll never believe me even if I do."

"I think she would."

"Well, I know she won't. It could take a long time for her to get over this. When she does, she'll probably be over me, too."

Carly placed a sympathetic hand on my back.

"No, she won't," she told me. "Sam loves you too much to ever get over you. Just give her a little time and then tell her she didn't hear everything. Let her know how you really feel. And I really am sorry."

I removed Carly's hand from my back and turned to face her.

"It's not your fault, Carls," I assured her, "it's mine. Sam could have walked in at any time, and besides, I'm the one who kept pausing. I'll see you later. I should probably go home now."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

Entering my house, I could see Sam's painful face again. She looked like she'd been so betrayed, and it must really sting to be her right now. I wished she knew she hadn't been betrayed, and that I loved her more than she ever dreamed. I needed to talk to someone now. Anyone.

My phone rang, and it was Alex. She was definitely the person I would go to first, so I picked up.

"Hello?" I asked dully.

"Carly just called me," Alex told me. "She said that Sam walked in on you practicing on what to say to her, and now she thinks you like Carly. Tough break, man. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to let Sam collect her thoughts for a little while," I sighed. "Then I'm going to do what I intended to. I just wish she hadn't walked in. Everything could have been so great."

"Life is hard," Alex reminded me. "Love is harder. But in the end, love is always the answer. And true love will happen no matter what, even in the most unexpected ways. You and Sam are true love, so I know it will work out. The stars are on your side."

Alex's absurdity cheered me up a bit, because in the strangest way, I knew she was correct. Just by being so weird, Alex can figure out the most complex and emotional things. People only dream about being like her.

"Thanks, Alex," I said with a smile. "You're right, like always."

"Hey, it's you I'm helping. I know you, so it's simple to be right."

We talked for a little while longer, and then hung up. The stars had to be on my side, but it was a sunny day. Maybe they felt a little hazy and decided to shake things up a little. After all, it could be for the best.

Sam and I would work out.

**A/N: It's here! Chapter sixteen! And OMG! Poor Sam thinks Freddie is in love with her best friend. How wrong is she? Very. Dead wrong. If you liked, please review!**


	17. Reassurance

Granted, I don't know much about myself yet. But here's one thing I do know, and I've always known, even though I might not have learned the word for a while. I am not apathetic.

People might say, "Oh, Sam, you're not passionate or anything! Think about schoolwork! You hate it!" Wrong. I mean, I do hate schoolwork, but passionate doesn't just relate to love. It relates to the highs and lows, sweetness and bitterness of love, and the depths and valleys, epitomes and cores of hate. That's the way it is with me. I either love something or I hate it- I'm never in that state of "I don't care."

So, that's why I cried when I heard Freddie tell Carly he liked her.

Really, I thought he'd grown up and moved on. He seemed too mature to still have that stupid crush on her. For a while there, especially after I almost told him everything, it seemed like he'd dropped her for me. Me! It was an ultimate compliment, because people are constantly choosing Carly over me. And to have Freddie be the first is like an honor for me. After all, I do love him, and I mean that with all my heart.

Once I'd heard it all, I had to leave. There was no way I could face either of them now. No, I wasn't mad at Carly. Being mad at her would be illogical, because she didn't do anything wrong. She's still my best friend, and she didn't betray me. Freddie was the one who did all the deceiving. He looked like he loved me too, what with almost kissing me and wanting me to tell him that I was in love. Turns out, it was probably just to see if I would tell Carly and there was the chance of her being jealous. Yeah, right. Carly would never do that to me. She probably wouldn't even go out with Freddie even after he confessed all of that crud to her. I know she's too good of a friend.

I had to leave immediately. Freddie tried to explain things to me, but I knew he was just lying. Probably trying to avoid being beat up, but I was too depressed to beat him to a pulp. To top it all of, when I saw him standing there, I loved him even more than I had before. And this is when he ripped out my heart. Odd, masochistic ways I have, I know. But it's true.

Besides, if Freddie really loved me, he would have chased after me. So, I didn't do that with him on that night, but I was overcome with too much. That wouldn't be the case with him, because he doesn't care about me at all… not even as a friend. Shoot. I should have known this was all a game. That was my suspicion from the beginning, ever since Alex moved to Seattle. Then she sounded so convincing, and Freddie made this weird transformation, and it suddenly seemed like a reality. Well, I'd seen reality now, and it wasn't pretty like the way I thought it was.

Yet, sadly, I don't think I'll ever be able to get over the dork. I've loved him so much and for so long, that I think it would be impossible. Freddie does have some really great qualities, so I'll be able to see those anyway. But there's still the bad trait, the bad memory. The one where he broke my heart, just like I knew he would. That will always get in the way, and you can take that to cooler.

Alex has called me about seven times already. I've listened to her messages, but I'm pretty sure I won't call her back. Right now, her DNA was making me hate her too, even though I knew that she was a good friend despite who she was related to. She told me to call her, and that we needed to talk right away. But I needed time. Alex couldn't realize this because she's an "as soon as possible" kind of girl. Usually, that's what I'm like. With stuff like this, I'm in need of some serious meditation time.

How stupid could I have been? Freddie's a guy anyway, and it takes forever to get over girls, especially when they're beautiful like Carly. Like I've said so many times before, I'm just Sam Puckett, Carly Shay's stupid friend. Given, as much as I love her and I'm glad she's my best friend rather than some hobo and/or nub, I don't want to be defined as just her best friend. She gets to be her own person, doesn't she? All I get to be is a sidekick, a co-host, and a second-in-command. Couldn't we be equal for one time only? I've got some good stuff to me too, but it takes a brave person to notice it. Years have gone by, and I thought Freddie always noticed that. Apparently not.

My phone rang again. Unsurprisingly, it was Alex. Since this was the eighth time she'd called, I found it appropriate to answer the phone now. Heck, maybe she could be of some help. She's related to that dork anyhow.

"Hi, Alex," I said, trying not to sound weak or wary.

"Sam!" she shouted. "Thank goodness! I've been trying your cell phone for an hour and a half. Why haven't you answered?"

"Well," I started, "I'm pretty sure you can follow with that."

"I can," she replied, "and I'm really, really sorry. Freddie ran from Carly's place to my place and told me everything that happened."

"Why would he do that? Don't you think he'd want to spend time with the girl of his dreams?"

"Yes, but that's not Carly."

"Please don't try and give me some kind of confidence booster and tell me that his dream girl is me, because I know that's not true. You've always known it's a lie, and that's why you said I'd better tell him that I loved him soon."

She let out an exasperated yell, and I tore the phone away from my ear just briefly. Too bad I knew too well to believe her now. She might have sounded realistic if it weren't for my knowledge.

"Sam, I only said that because I wanted you to get it over with," she explained. "I could tell that you were worried about it. And I'm telling you that his dream girl is you because that's the truth."

I paused for a while, not sure what to say next. The tone in Alex's voice sounded so real. She didn't sound like she was lying to me at all. Then again, I could just be gullible or paranoid when it came to Freddie. For all I knew, Alex could be obviously and blatantly lying, and I was just too hot to believe that Freddie might actually love me and not Carly.

"You know, I would really love to think that you were telling me the truth," I sighed. "Right now, I just don't know who to believe. Freddie was leading me on, and I honestly thought that he liked me like that and that we could be, you know, a couple."

"Please," Alex begged, "believe me. I'm being honest with you. You didn't hear everything when you walked into Carly's earlier. In fact, you didn't even hear close to everything that they said."

"Do you know what they said?"

"Yes, but I can't tell you because you won't listen to me. You'll just go on taking your own word for it when you weren't even there."

"Neither were you."

"There are things that I know, Sam. When Freddie came to my apartment just a little while ago, I knew that he was telling me the truth about what happened before you got there. Another thing I know is that Freddie hasn't even thought he was in love with Carly for a very long time."

Part of me was starting to trust her, but the majority was still telling me that I shouldn't. But I wanted to hear more, so I asked,

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"Because he's in love with you!" Alex cried. "You! He's been so in love with you for as long as I can remember, even though he thought he liked Carly. Freddie has been in denial about loving you, but whenever he told me about you, I knew you were it. He finally came to terms with himself about a year and a half ago."

"How is that possible?" I snapped. "Carly's always been the girl of his dreams, and he's always going to be in love with her, even if I didn't realize it until today."

"Stop it! Sam, you're wonderful too, and you don't have to go on comparing yourself to Carly. She's got a lot of good things to her, and so do you. It's just that the two of you are very different! But that can't make one of you better than the other. You have to know that. And you also have to know that everything you heard was meant for your ears."

My eyes widened, and I thought about it. Could that really be true?

"Alex, are you just saying this because you know that's what I want to hear? Because if that's the truth, that's too much like the movies for me to buy into."

I'm afraid to hear her response. Alex is so off the map that I never know what to expect with her. She could flat-out tell me that she was lying, or she could keep playing this game (or was it really?) and say that she was being truthful. It's impossible to read her. Maybe that's why I like her so much.

"Sam, every word I've said to you during this conversation has been true," she told me. "No lies. But it's all up to you on whether you're going to take my word for it or not. My advice? Trust me. Because I'm right."

Drat. Alex was good at manipulating me. Because now, an even bigger part of me was begging for me to give her my trust.

"All right," I gave in. "I'll believe you're right."

"And are you going to talk to Freddie?" she inquired. "Are you going to let him tell you how he feels?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I said reluctantly. "I'll talk to you later, Alex. Okay?"

"Fine with me. Just be sure that the next time you talk to me, you've talked to Freddie."

I groaned.

"Sure, okay. Bye."

"Goodbye."

It's hard to believe that Alex is related to Freddie and not me. She's so much more devious and tougher than he is, not to mention that she can eat without the fear of getting sticky. But now, Freddie would have to face stickiness. If he was going to get with me, he'd have to brace himself for a whole lot of messy- dirty, slimy, and the horrifying, already talked about sticky.

Not even two minutes after my conversation with Alex had ended, my phone rang again. This time, it was Carly. After listening to Alex ramble on and on about how Freddie didn't love Carly, I felt a little better. Shockingly enough, I felt fine enough to talk to Carly.

"Hey," I said into the receiver. "What's up?"

"How can you sound so casual?" Carly shouted. "When you ran out of my house, you looked like you were ready to die or scream or throw up. And you sound fine now. What in the world is up with you?"

"Calm down," I told her.

"Me? Calm down? Shouldn't I be the one asking you to calm down? You've apparently already done this for yourself."

"Sorry. Why'd you call?"

Now, I'm not stupid. I knew exactly why Carly called. Then again, I also knew that if I told her that Alex and I talked it over before she even called me, she'd be jealous. So, I'd just let Carly tell me that I didn't hear everything that went down between her and Freddie, even though I'd heard the explanation. Besides, I wasn't a hundred percent sure I believe Alex yet.

"Because I wanted to tell you that that's not all Freddie said to me," she was basically sneering.

"What else did he tell you?" I asked snottily. "That you have beautiful hair? That he knew he wanted to be your first husband and not your second? All of those sound likely."

"Neither of those!" she shrieked. "He told me that he liked you, and we were talking about you the whole time."

From the mouths of two people- two people I generally trusted. Should I be totally confident now? Probably.

"Are you sure?" I questioned.

"Of course I am. He kept saying 'Sam this' and 'Sam that'."

I snorted to myself. The idea of Freddie obsessively fawning over me was horribly funny and interesting. Though I hoped it wasn't exactly fanatic, I did hope he was as into me as Carly and Alex were making it seem.

"Really?" I asked slyly. "Well, that's pretty cool."

"Are you going to talk to him? Because I think that's what he really, really wants to do now that he knows he upset you."

Freddie feeling bad about upsetting me. Ha. Most people could never see this day coming. I could. They think of me as invincible. I'm not. Heck, I get broken up over a lot of things, but mainly the people I love. Fighting with Carly basically murders me. And this with Freddie, well, I felt guilty and sad and worried and all around awful.

"Yeah, I'll talk to him," I answered. "When you think about it, I have to now. But if you're not telling the truth, and Freddie does in fact love you, I'm going to go banana crazy on you."

Carly giggled.

"I'm telling you the truth, quit worrying. Hang up the phone and talk to Freddie."

"Slow down, cowgirl. I'm getting there. I still need a little more time to think about things."

"All right, sure. Just as long as you talk to him."

"Stop hounding me. I will."

"Soon?"

"As soon as I'm ready."

"Which is?"

"Soon!"

She laughed again. "Okay, fine. I'll talk to you later."

"I'll talk to you _soon_."

"Stop saying soon!"

"Whatever. Bye, Carls."

"Bye, Sam."

I hung up and thought about it more. Freddie and me… I've always liked the idea, but it never seemed like it would be a reality. Then it appeared like it would, and I was excited for the ride. But then I found my setback. How could he love Carly, especially after dropping me all of these deliberate hints? He didn't pay any romantic attention to her anymore. So why would he suddenly admit to her that he liked her? And then I found my answer.

My life has been very funny lately. Usually, it doesn't take me very long to catch on to something, but I've been in such a daze.

Freddie didn't like Carly. I mean, sure he liked her as his best friend, but not in the way I thought he could.

As it turned out, all the things Carly and Alex told me were true. They had to be. Giving it thought made me realize that Freddie loving Carly like that again was almost impossible. Why… because he liked me.

You may say I'm being overly positive, but I'm not. What I'm finally doing is buying into what was more than likely the truth. And I'd get over my fear and worry and just march up to Freddie and tell him. No interruptions, no embarrassment. Just do it.

I will. I'm a very passionate person, and I won't stop until I find mutual love with Freddie.

**A/N: Wow. Sam is so wild, don't you think? But I'll assure you; her confidence won't go down again in any more chapters. Was anyone else scared when Nathan did that interview? I was seriously scared that they cancelled iCarly. But I'm so glad it was a lie/what Nathan thought at the time. Seddie forever!**


	18. Under Control

If it weren't for love of family members, I would have probably put my fist through a wall by now. Nah, I'm not strong enough to do that. How about a pound of balsa wood? That sounds more like me. Any way you slice it, I was mad.

Sam's not wrong that often. But she was so, so very wrong about this one. How could she think I was in love with Carly, especially after I'd dropped her some huge hints about the way I felt about her. I'm such a coward. I've known it for about ten years now. I've never been able to stand up for anything about myself, especially not the way I feel. But I couldn't let that happen this time. Conquering was what I needed to do.

When would I see her again? Surely she wouldn't want to talk to me after she was under the impression that I broke her heart. And I didn't really know where she was. She could be at her house, she could be at Carly's, and heck, she could even be staying with Alex. Although I do think Sam's too clever to get near Alex when she's mad at me, but it was worth a shot. I was willing to go to extensive limits to get to Sam.

First, I tried her home away from home, which was truly more like her house but everyone gets the picture on that one.

"Are you sure you want to see me?" Carly asked. "I assumed you'd walk off and become a hermit after everything with Sam."

"Nah, being a hermit leads to being a hobo, and they scare me," I informed. "Where's Sam? Is she here? Have you talked to her?"

"Whoa, slow down, little boy," she joked lamely. "Sam's not here, and I don't know where she is. But I have talked to her."

Great. Now I could get a step further in finding her. If I didn't tell her now, I never would. That's just one of the disadvantages to being a dork.

"What did she say?" I asked. Somehow I sensed that I was jumping up and down and foaming at the mouth like an overexcited puppy, but my shorts weren't filled with pee, so I must have been keeping somewhat cooler than I actually felt.

"Just stuff," Carly replied mysteriously. I hate it when she does that. It's a good thing she's so easy to get silly information out of.

"Carly, what did she say?" I tried again, trying to sound stricter.

"All she said was that she didn't believe me when I told her that you weren't in love with me. Then I explained to her a little more, and I think she knows I'm telling the truth now. Okay? You happy?"

I smirked, and then I chuckled. Carly really would make a fantastic comedic actress.

"Why are you laughing?" she inquired, screeching. "The girl you love is nowhere to be found, and you're laughing! This isn't a funny matter, Freddie!"

"Never mind," I said. "And yes, I am happy. But that sounds just like Sam. I guess she won't trust it until it comes out of my mouth, huh?"

Carly frowned and sighed.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," she replied. "I just thought Sam and I were closer than that. You know, when I told her you weren't in love with me, I figured she'd believe me right away. Maybe she's got her guard up a little too high. Once she's with you she'll probably lower it, though."

I thought about Sam a little more, and I needed to see her. Nothing could stop me now. I'd let her know, and I wouldn't let anything get in the way this time. Sure, I've told myself this time after time after time, but now I wouldn't allow anything to stop me.

"Carly, turn your phone on if it's off," I demanded, a sudden power surge embalming me. "I'm going to need to get with you once I'm done."

"Where are you going?" she asked, her phone in hand as she scrambled to the door.

"I'm going to go find Sam," I responded simply and left without even saying goodbye. These matters were too important to be polite.

******************

Where there's ham, there's a way. That's what I told myself when I first set out to look for Sam, but then I realized that it probably wouldn't be that hard. She doesn't trust many people that she doesn't know well, which is smart of her. And if she wasn't at Alex's, which I somehow instinctively knew, she'd have to be at her house. Lucky for me, I knew exactly how to get there.

_No need to practice what you're going to say_, I assured myself as I walked. _You've said enough. What you really have to worry about is what you're going to say to your mother when you get home hours past curfew_.

My conscious was starting to sound more like me rather than Alex, and I hoped that was a good sign. Shouldn't I be telling myself what to do? Come to think of it, that's really my biggest problem in life.

I let other people control what I do. Given, some of the things people force me to do are totally worth it, but others are dreadful. My mother's run my life longer than anyone else I know. For a long while of that, I was too young to say no to Mommy and Me ballroom lessons, but once I got to about the age of twelve I could have refused Mother and Son pottery. The stuff doesn't even interest me! She's supposed to be my mother, so isn't she supposed to care about what I like? Apparently not, because I know that when she finds out I love Sam, she'll be totally opposed to it and force me to break up with her. Well, that's one thing I'm never going to let my mother do.

Alex has been known to boss me around, too. Most of the time, she initiates the things I don't regret for a minute. In fact, if it weren't for my close relationship with her, I wouldn't be on my way to Sam's. She'd never be with me. Then again, once Alex did make me flush my head in a toilet, but that was when we were eight and I was even more gullible than I am now.

Carly. Now there's a manipulator. She's worse than those idiots online who take pictures of two people and make them kiss. Carly is always getting me to do things I don't want to do, like go out with Valerie, reconcile with Fred, stop fighting with Sam (I do like the fighting, anyone with eyes can see I do), and other random stuff. The thing that makes me break when it comes to her? Whenever I start to decline, she says, "Please? For me." As her best friend, I know I have to cave and do what she wants. But I don't want to. Can't it ever be about me for once?

Sam has her way with me the least. Usually, the two of us just both end up unhappy, or happy, depending on the way you want to look at it. Maybe it's even possible for me to try and fight back because I'm preparing myself for if we ever together. I've never thought the bickering would lessen, I just thought it would come to more of an understanding that we were going to honestly love each other through it all. Hey, I could be wrong.

Suddenly, I was subconsciously climbing up Sam's porch to get to the front door. Her mom was probably out at a bar or something because her fifteen-year-old pick up truck wasn't parked in the driveway. This could be good.

I knocked on the door, and I saw Sam's blonde hair turn away from the TV and toward the door. She walked over and opened it, and I hoped I didn't look like an idiot.

"Hi," I began uncomfortably. "Do you mind if I come in?"

Four seconds later, she finally answered with, "I guess not, Fredison. Just as long as you don't go saying you're not here for a reason."

My heart jumped at the incorrect accusation of her statement. I was here for a reason if there ever was one.

"No, I'm here specifically to tell you something," I stated. "And the last thing I want you to do is freak out. One thing, though."

"Yeah, yeah, what is it?" she sneered.

"You have to believe every word I say," I instructed, "and I have a hunch that you will, because you've heard this explanation at least once before."

She looked tired, maybe bored. Something told me she didn't believe Carly, no matter what she thought once they were done talking. I'd tried to sound as convincing as possible, but someone like me isn't very good at that.

"When you walked into Carly's earlier on," I exhaled deeply, "you heard me say that I liked her, and then you ran. Now, if this was days ago, I would have been completely confused, but I think I get it now."

Sam looked at me, her eyes large and her mouth slightly dropped. It was kind of cute that she thought I didn't know that she loved me, too. Possibly not, though. I'd gone totally clueless for who knows how long.

"Get on with it, loser," she choked.

"You didn't hear almost anything of what I said to Carly," I continued. "I went over there because I wanted to find you."

Furrowing her eyebrows, Sam seemed to be scanning her brain for what to say next.

"What?" she asked in a hoarse voice. "Me? Why did you want me?"

"Because I needed to tell you something," I went on. "Then Carly said you went to go get potato salad, and I made a big, big confession."

"And that was?" she questioned, even though I could sense that she was already fully aware of what I planned to tell her.

"That I'm in love with you," I admitted quickly and hoped I wasn't dreaming. "When I told Carly I was going to tell you that, she insisted that I practice what I was going to say to you by using her. I tried to say no, but she made me."

"Carly has a way of doing that," Sam breathed, still shocked at what I said. "You're really, really in love with me?"

"Of course," I said, almost crying from pure exhaustion. "Lately, it's been hard to keep that fact a secret, but it's been so easy to hide it from you."

"Well, I can say the same on my part," she finally came clean. "I love you, Freddie."

Grinning, I felt lightheaded, and now that she had told me what I already pretty much knew, I couldn't thing of anything else to do but one thing.

I ran at her and wrapped her in the tightest embrace I've ever felt. She squeezed me back, and it felt great to be free of the chains the secret had me locked up in.

"You know, I'm so glad you told me that," Sam whispered to me, giggling. "But I still think you're a nerd."

"And I still think you're a blonde headed demon," I added.

"Still, it's possible for us to love each other and at the same time, not be able to stand each other."

Hearing that, I laughed and hugged her tighter.

"Sam, I think that's what love is."

***************

She and I decided to go back to Carly's, mainly because I was sure my mother was already there, pacing up and down, wondering where her beloved baby may be. Sam wanted to tell Carly that she and I were finally together, and I'd previously told her I'd contact her once I'd said what I needed to say to Sam. Why not do it in person?

When we got to Carly's house, she was already squealing with delight. Having someone so pleasant as your best friend really does have its upsides.

"Okay, I already know what you're going to say," she squeaked. "But I want to hear you guys say it, so I'm just going to act surprised!"

"Carls, this is so not you," Sam chortled.

"Yes, but I can act peppy sometimes. Now, go on."

"Well, I talked to Sam," I told her, "and she believed what I said. There you have it, she and I are officially together."

"I knew it!" boomed Spencer's voice. He came out to greet us wearing his infamous duck pajama bottoms, and both Sam and I chuckled in confusion.

"Uh, Spence?" I asked. "What up with the pajamas?"

"I wear these every night," he informed us casually. "But the important thing is that I knew you guys would get together eventually!"

"Seriously?" I asked. "How did you know?"

"Umm, hello? I've totally been spying on you for years! Every time you guys would fight, I could find some sort of hidden lingo in your words. But I'm just so happy you guys are finally boyfriend girlfriend!"

He skipped over to Sam and me and smashed our heads together.

"Spencer," I said, "together doesn't have to mean Siamese twins."

"Sorry," he apologized. "You can be symbolic Siamese twins! Ooh, that gives me a great idea! Why don't I sculpt something like the two of you together, symbolizing the closeness of a happy new couple?"

He looked at us excitedly for approval, and taking into consideration his talent, I had to let him do it.

"All right, fine," I allowed. "But nothing creepy."

"And don't make us fish!" Sam called after Spencer, who was already half way up the stairs.

"Fish?" Carly asked.

"You don't want to know," Sam supplied.

************

Later, Sam and I drifted to the couch. I called my mom and asked her to extend my curfew (which was now seven o'clock, being that I didn't have one before), and she finally did.

"Are you really glad I told you that?" I inquired. "Or would you have just done it yourself?"

"I was thinking about doing it myself, but you probably figured that one out already," Sam answered. "You doing it in the end is preferable for me."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." I wrapped my arm around the couch, and she moved upward so it was like I was holding her.

"Just as long as it was said," I supplemented. "I really didn't care who did it either. All that mattered was that eventually, I got to do what I'm doing right now."

Sam snorted, and I knew she thought what I said was lame. In the end, she was still Sam, no matter who her boyfriend was.

"Fredweird," she laughed. "You'll always be a loser."

"You're probably right," I agreed.

She shot me a look, which meant I was supposed to come back with, "You're definitely right", which I did.

"Good," she confirmed.

"Good?"

"Yeah. It would be too weird if you didn't make my life dorky all the time."

The nostalgia was good, so I chuckled a bit. We talked a little while longer until I finally had to go across the hall. It was unfortunate, but the days would only get more interesting now that Sam was my… girlfriend.

Who knew?

**A/N: Well, I hope you all enjoyed that little chapter, eh? Super excited to see the new episodes of iCarly… if they ever air them. This chapter was cute, wasn't it?**


	19. Clean Moms and Revelations

Well, just like everything else in my life these days, the words I'm about to say apply to the situation I'm currently in.

It all happened so fast.

Really, one second I'm heartbroken, the next I find out I believed the lie, and just a minute later, Freddork is confessing his true feelings for me. And now he's my boyfriend, which makes me his girlfriend. Excited as I am, I can't help but wonder why.

I'm not the kind of girl you think all the guys want. No, I'm the kind of girl only a select few want, and Freddie liking me was such a surprise. He's a wimp, and I've beaten him up plenty of times. Didn't he know that being in love with me would probably just make it worse? Wasn't he familiar with that old saying, "In love, everything you say can and will be used against you"? I guess he's braver than I give him credit for.

And I'm not one hundred percent focused on doing the right thing all the time. Well, that one is pretty obvious, but I think I can dig a little deeper with the reason. When I'm around a guy, my energy isn't totally focused in "What if he doesn't like me?" or "Did I say something to make him mad?" My life also isn't vested in appearance. There are a lot of girls out there who spend half their lives at the mall, trying to pick out the cutest and/or skimpiest clothes, just to impress people. And the makeup? I'll give you the fact that it's fun, and I do use it. I just don't like the idea of caking myself in it, and girls just do that because they're convinced it makes them look good. Carly falls prey to that one. I wish she didn't.

Nothing about me has that tra-la-la effect. Boys look for that in a girl… they must! So why would Freddie, the perfect male, be so interested in me? But I believe it. Especially now that he himself admitted it to me.

But I always have to watch out. If I don't, there'll be so much for me to miss.

*************

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door. I'm nervous a lot. Now, even though I'm mostly proud of my ratted reputation, there are times I know that it dunks me into a vat of hot water, like now. If this didn't go well, there was a good chance I wouldn't be allowed to see Freddie again. And that, honestly, might kill me.

Yeah, I said it. I have a weakness. Kill me. It might be better than the annoyance I was about to encounter.

As soon as I woke up on the morning after Freddie and I got together, he sent me a text message. For just a short second, I hoped it was something lamely romantic like, "Hello, love. Wish I was with you." But it wasn't. Instead, I went to my inbox and found the reason for my potential suicide note.

_We have to tell my mom about us._

Well, of course that was going to come into play eventually. But I figured he'd ask me to marry him or something, and she'd just sort of assume we were together. However, this was going to be torture. And I wouldn't go through with it.

_Dream on, Benson,_ I replied. _I'm not going to be there when you tell Mommy Dearest you're dating me_.

His reply was almost instantly after I'd sent him my message. What a true Mama's boy.

_But Sa-am! I'm not going to do that alone. You have to be there. Please?_

Whiney man-child. He probably knew that there was no way even I could reject that. Officially, I was sucked into the baby-like vortex that was Fredward Benson, and there was no escaping.

_Fine_, I typed. _I'll be there. But you owe me big time_.

After that, I shut off my phone so My Boyfriend the Dork could bother me no longer. This was already more than terrible. I'd have to look innocent and cute, because even though Mrs. Benson knows what I'm like on a daily basis, the way I looked today meant more than ever before. This was my chance to keep Freddie with her permission. Gosh, I felt like the guy asking the girl's father if he can marry her. Guess Fredward and I reversed roles in this one.

Don't get me wrong- I'd actually like to get along with Freddie's mom. It would make my relationship with him a lot easier. Still, we're just two totally different people. I'm probably the girl she hated in high school, and she's like the kind of girl I hate now. Mrs. Benson is spick and span, and I'm sloppy and scary. She knows I'm not the right girl for her son. But that's why I am.

I tried to get dressed properly. After I straightened my hair just enough so that it didn't look too dry and disgusting, but so that it didn't look unruly. As I searched for makeup, I realized I didn't have anything that showy. Sure, I had clear gloss, but Mrs. Benson probably wouldn't find that girly enough. But what does she know? She looks like a woman-man even more than Ms. Briggs.

So, I raided my makeup bag (yes, there's actually quite a lot in there because I think I'll use some of it and rarely ever do), and found mostly mascara and bright red lipstick, which would scare Mrs. Benson more than half to death. Therefore, I decided that what I needed now was eye shadow.

Blue eye shadow? Seriously? It was all I had, and that would make me look just terrible, not to mention similar to a clown. After that, I put on the clear gloss and settled on a purple shirt and tight Capri pants. Yeah, that would work. I looked cute enough.

Yuck.

*************

And that's what brought me to standing outside Freddie's apartment door.

_One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…_

He came to the door, wearing a striped polo and not a sweater vest, which was truly a surprise. Whenever something is announced as a special occasion, Freddie is _always_ required to wear a sweater vest. What was up with that nut job of a woman?

"Why do you look somewhat casual?" I inquired when I laid eyes on Freddie. "Wasn't your mother all suspicious?"

"I don't know," he told me. "It was all very weird. I told her you were coming over, and she said, 'that's nice, Freddie. Go get me my favorite organic cookbook.'"

He batted his eyelashes, trying to imitate a woman, but he did such a poor job that I stretched out my arm to punch him in the mouth. However, he quickly grabbed my arm and threw it back down to my side.

"Oh, you messed with Mama," I hissed. "Why'd you do it? Would you rather I kill you than your own mother?"

"Sam, are you really that dense? If my mom saw you hit me, there's no way she'd approve of us dating. Don't you care about being with me more than hitting me?"

I hesitated. Violence is so important to me. But I knew the answer, despite the fact that I love to seek physical vengeance.

"Hey, even if I don't punch you now, I'll do it eventually," I reminded him. "That's just a part of being with me. Your mother is just going to have to accept it."

He rolled his eyes and stepped aside, and I took the invitation into his apartment before he even said anything. Usually, he would object to that, but since he knew we couldn't fight yet, he let me be as me-ish as I could.

"Will you please stop calling me fat?" a familiar, comforting voice shouted. "Just because I know what a French fry is doesn't mean I'm in great danger of dying!"

"Yes, but eating French fries is like smoking a cigarette. Once you have one, you can't stop," Mrs. Benson replied.

"Aunt Marissa, please, stop!"

Alex and Mrs. Benson were now in the living room, and you don't even want to know how dissimilar there expressions were. On one side, Alex looked like I do at the All You Can Eat Bacon Buffet, and on the other, Mrs. Benson looked horrified. She probably already knew that I was now Freddie's girlfriend. Even when you are wacko like her, I suppose all women have that intuition.

"Hello, Sam," she greeted me slowly, probably assuming I was going to kick her all the way to China. "How are you today?"

"Oh, I'm good, Mrs. Benson," I responded in a tone so polite that it sounded like a recording. "How are you?"

"I'm hanging in there, Sam," she told me with an anxious laugh. "Believe me, I'm hanging in there."

Freddie's eyes flickered to me, and he shot me a concerned look. Then he mouthed, _We should probably do this now_.

Rolling my eyes, I reluctantly agreed to state my doom. He was going to make me initiate it. He was such a little chicken. But since I was strong, I knew that this couldn't hinder me that badly.

"Umm, Mrs. Benson, there's something Freddie and I need to tell you," I began, my voice stern and angry. Sure, I was nervous, but there was no way in Hades I was showing that. Instead, I would just act mad. If I seemed mad, no one would know I had a weakness.

"You should probably sit down, Mom," Freddie added, and Mrs. Benson did as he suggested. She looked up at the two of us and asked,

"The two of you aren't… you know… doing things, are you?"

Alex snorted, and Freddie, who was standing next to her, elbowed her in the ribs. I blushed a bit, but I decided to answer Mrs. Benson's ridiculously irrational question.

"No, Freddie and I aren't 'doing things'", I told her. "But there is something going on that you probably won't like. See, this hasn't been going on a day, even, but Freddie and I are sort of dating now."

Mrs. Benson looked up at us blankly. It seemed as if she was trying to process something to say, but she looked aloof. She didn't seem to have anger, and she didn't look like she was going to break down in nervous tears. Heck, she didn't even look befuddled. She just looked like nothing.

"Is that all?" she finally inquired venomously. "You came over here just to tell me that you're dating my son?"

"Well, yeah," I replied, now puzzled. "Freddie and I figured you wouldn't take it well, so he thought it would be best if I told you in person."

"This really doesn't come as a surprise to me," she admitted with a chuckle. "I always figured you would end up together, especially because you seemed to like Freddie so much."

He looked at me somewhat suggestively, and I made my eyes resemble sharp daggers. Consequently, he backed away from my rage.

"What…" I breathed, "What made you think that?"

"Well, you've always picked on him, and you do it with no mercy. Then again, there are the times when you are the best friend my little boy has ever had. After a while, I could only come to the conclusion that you liked him. At first, I thought you didn't have a chance, but then I would hear Freddie and Alex talk about you, and then I knew he felt the same way."

Alex's jaw dropped, and Freddie had to hold her back before she started wildly beating her aunt.

"Mom," he began seriously, "you listened to Alex and me talk about Sam?"

"Of course I did," she told him honestly. "The two of you would lock yourselves up in that room for so long and so often that I had to make sure nothing dangerous was going on. Then I heard that you liked Sam, and I have to confess, I was a little worried at first. Then you described her as something I didn't always see, and I became comfortable with the fact that you liked her. Plus, your conversations could get so darn interesting, it was difficult to stop spying on you!"

"Well, don't do something like that again," Freddie scolded his mother, and everyone lightly laughed.

All in all, the time I spent with the Bensons that day was pretty entertaining. The gathering was much, much different from that of the Puckett family, or even the Shays, but I still had a shockingly good time. Maybe it wasn't the fact that they were doing anything that was fun, but the fact that I was with Freddie the whole time. Yeah, that was definitely what it was. Sometimes, even in the weirdest of situations, having someone you love along for the ride can improve it by miles.

**A/N: Sorry it's been three months since I updated this story. I always wanted to get back to it, but I had a fight with my mom about fan fiction, and I stopped investing so much time into it. The updates on this story won't be as consistent as they were during the summer, but they will be somewhat quick. I hope you enjoyed this highly anticipated chapter, and please review if you liked!**


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